It Strikes Again

I've noticed recently that I get this feeling of intense desire for attention and it seems to be the worst when I'm all alone with no one around or when no one is available to distract my attention from it. After having the much needed trip almost two weeks ago now, I think I've finally figured out what's going on.

I need touch. I need physical contact with another adult. And not just any physical contact. I need caresses and the type of touch that says someone cares for me and wants to touch me but not necessarily a needy touch, if that makes sense. For example, when someone walks by and they caress my hair or the top of my head. When their hand lingers, cupping my cheek/jaw line for just a moment before moving on. Of course other types of touching wink wink nudge nudge are welcome but that's a different story.

My daily life doesn't allow for as much touch as I'd like and to be quite honest, I am surprised by the fact that the need and desire for it has hit me again so quickly. Those that know me well are probably shaking their heads at that remark and saying they're not surprised. Perhaps it's the sleep deprivation from working long hours and staying up to make sure my schoolwork is done. I don't know, but I know that it sucks.

I'm glad that Dragon*Con is this coming weekend because it means I will be getting lots of snuggles from lots of people I adore. And perhaps some good pictures to be posted too. ;)

Small epiphanies made large

There are those who can do without kink. They enjoy it, but they don't have to have it. For them, it's a choice. And then there are those like me. Kink isn't something I can make a choice about. It's something I MUST have in my life. It helps keep me focused. Centered. Without it, I become a very cranky little girl. And my thinking becomes skewed. I start grousing and the world turns to shades of grey.

This became VERY apparent to me after the past weekend. Each time I play I think I probably write something similar to this and it always seems to strike me by surprise each time how... not bad.. cockeyed? For lack of a better term. (sorry, I can't help but giggle EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I read that word) Anyway, back on topic, it always stuns me how unsettled my thinking was before play time. It's like I don't realize how bad off I am until afterwards, when I'm able to focus and think clearly again.

And to say this last round was sorely needed is an understatement. I am going to have to find a way to get regular play time. I don't like being in the mental state I've been in recently. Working around my duties and schedule will be difficult but dammit, I am determined to find a way to take care of myself. This is the area in which I've sorely slacked and I'm seeing now just exactly how badly I've been doing with it. I just have no idea how I'm going to accomplish it.

Obviously I'm going to need help.

End of Term

So... Yeah. I became insane over the last 5 weeks. For those that had to deal with me, thank you for your patience. This term at school severely taxed me although to be fair, it wasn't just the schoolwork. The stress from my new position at work, combined with other various situations all added up to make a very untwinklie twinklie. Next semester should not nearly as strenuous.

In the next month, I'm going to have stress relief. One week from Friday, I'll be driving up to NC to see LovingMaster45 and my business partners. Two weeks after that, I will be going to Dragon*Con. After that, I guess we'll see. Hopefully I should be able to start blogging again now that "Hell Term" is over.