Assuaging the Hunger

I make my way to the table, wondering if anyone will notice me. I watch others pass by, making their way to other parts of the bar. Some go to the bar itself to get a drink, others go outside to the balcony and others yet are moving past to leave as they have other plans for the evening.

Looking towards the door leading to the balcony, I don't see you approach and as your hand sets itself over mine; I turn to find your gaze locked onto mine. No words are spoken as you take my hand and lead me away from the press of bodies against one another as they move to and fro amongst the too small space. The whole way back no words are spoken and the only contact made is my hand in yours.

We make our way to the elevator. Stepping in, I notice it is only us, surrounded by silence and the glass of the contraption. I look up and my eyes lock with yours again. Your hand rises up as you bend over, your lips giving the whisper of a caress along my neck before your hand takes hold of the hair at the nape of my neck and you utter one single word. “Cum,” you command, your arms wrapping tightly around me as my world shatters and reconnects all within the span of the fifteen seconds it takes us to get to your floor.

Your hand grasps mine once more as you lead the way. We make our way to your room. Suddenly you stop and turn, your hand producing a blindfold from some unknown pocket. My sight goes dark and then you lead me into the room. The door shuts behind us and suddenly, fiercely I feel your hand upon my throat. My breath is knocked out of me in surprise as my back hits the wall and I hear your growl next to my ear. “I WILL have you this night.”

Your hands move to my chest and I feel my blouse tear with buttons hitting the walls around us. My breathing increases. I bite down on my lip, accidentally cutting it with my teeth which causes me to whimper. I feel you go still before leaning down and kissing deeply, sealing the wound on my lip before any further damage can be caused. Your hands continue moving, shedding me of the offensive blouse before coming back up. The bra I’m wearing stands no chance and the pop of fabric as breaks causes me to gasp.

As each piece of clothing is removed, my body becomes more and more inflamed with need. My legs tremble as I continue standing before you, my upper body bare to your gaze. Your mouth finds my nipple with ease as you tease and torment me with your tongue and teeth. Your sent fills my nose and I breathe it in deeply. I vaguely hear two quick clicks and then suddenly I feel a coldness against my stomach that wasn’t there previously.  My breathing quickens as I hear you say, “I wouldn’t move if I were you. I’d hate to mar this lovely skin before me.”

I stay as still as I can as I feel the knife move beneath the cloth. For a moment I could swear the knife starts to press further down, before the skirt and garter belt are quickly dispatched. Wearing only my stockings and heels, I stand before you, nearly squirming with desire as it continues to build without you even having to touch me. Nearly dragging me to the bed, you spin me around and push me back. I fall onto the bed and feel your hands remove my shoes, one by one, before reaching up and removing each stocking with a startling gentleness after the fierceness of a moment ago.

Fully naked now and at your mercy, my will is no longer my own and I lay still, waiting for your command. My foot, touching your leg, tells me you are not moving. How long you stand there, I don’t know, but finally you move, shoving my legs apart and moving between them to hold my wrists above my head with your hand, insuring I will not be going anywhere. “You’re going to lay there, as I take you and there’s nothing you can do about it,” you tell me. As each word is said, my need increases even more until my hips are reaching up, trying to find you.

Roughly, you force your way into me, pushing until you’re in all the way and then moving hard and fast, taking your pleasure from me. I cannot help but move against you, my hips bucking into yours and my whimpers turning into moans. Closer and closer I get to the edge but not yet going over until you whisper, “Cum,” in my ear. My moans turn into cries as my body spasms under and around you. You say it again, thrusting even harder and faster. Again the precipice drops from under me and I’m gone riding wave after wave as you fuck me, taking what is yours.

Finally unable to bear the wait any longer, you nuzzle my neck, biting down hard. Crying out, my mind shatters into fragments, unable to voice any words even if my life depended on it. Riding hard on the wave, you growl and follow behind, your own orgasm taking hold and sending me spinning again right as I start to come down. Shuddering and trembling against you, my body feeling aftershock after aftershock, you hold me close until my cheek caresses your shoulder in a mute greeting.

Moving to the middle of the bed, you remove the blindfold and look me in the eyes before kissing me soundly. “How do you feel,” you ask to make certain everything is as it should be. The satisfied murmur against your shoulder as I curl up against you once more gives you all the answer you need as we settle in for the evening and a weekend full of festivities with many more toe curling experiences to be had.

Dragon*Con

Well, many of you know I went to Dragon*Con. And as with any other event goes as wonderful as this one did, I have to process before I can begin to write about it. Monday when I got home from D*C (as it will hitherto be mentioned as), I developed a sore throat. I didn't think anything of it as I had been to a couple of concerts the last night of D*C but then on Tuesday, I couldn't even eat half of a sandwich and dreaded that it might be strep. I have had it once before and the feelings/symptoms were the same as the last time.

I went to the doctor and she did the rapid test along with taking a culture. The rapid test came back negative. I should mention that the rapid test I had the previous time I had strep (and which I went to the ER for that time) had also come back negative. I mentioned this to my doctor but I don't think it clicked. So she sent me home with a script of Prednisone for the inflammation and said she thought it was a virus that acts similar to strep.

I started taking it as soon as I got home but when I got up the next morning and my voice sounded even worse because the swelling in my tonsils had NOT gone down and had in fact increased a bit, I had my S.O. check them. He said they looked like Uranus they were so covered in white. So we called and made the doctor call in a script for Amoxicillin. It's a good thing I did because I got a call from the doctor Friday morning saying that the culture had come back positive. So I had to be out all week thanks to it. On top of that, I wasn't able to do any schoolwork because I felt so pitiful that I essentially stayed balled up on the corner of the couch and slept, forcing myself to continue drinking water until the meds brought the swelling down enough for me to be able to eat without it hurting so bad. I spent this last week catching up on all of the schoolwork I missed while I was sick. I've finally gotten through all of that.

With all of this having been said, I haven't really had time to process D*C, at least not consciously. I think my subconscious decided to proceed without me though because I've dreamt about the con almost every night since I got home. I will be writing a synopsis of the weekend. If you were involved that weekend and you want a copy, please let me know and I'll email it to you once I've finished. I normally post these kinds of writings on here, but for some reason, at least right now, I feel this one should be kept between those in which the events occurred.

I haven't even had a chance to go through post con depression. It's weird. I wonder if it's going to hit now that I'm feeling better and can consciously process it or if I somehow found the bypass button. I guess we'll see.

Ranty Rant Rant

Warning- What I have to say today may not be to the liking of everyone. I will not apologize for what I'm about to say. It is my opinion and just like everyone else with an asshole, I have one.

We watched the first 30 minutes of the ceremony for 9/11. After that we turned it off. It's ok to memorialize those that were lost in so tragic an event however to bemoan it and drag it out grates on my nerves. We did what was necessary to take care of the situation after it occurred. Why do people seek to make the feelings of pain last when the time has moved on? I love my country and I respect anyone in this country, be they from here or anywhere else, that fights for the freedoms we have today. If it weren't for them, we wouldn't be able to say we're proud of being in the USA because we wouldn't BE the USA.

Maybe I'm strange in that once a situation has arisen and been taken care of, I feel that it should not be lingered on. The message was received loudly and clearly and the threat was dealt with. We stood up and we kicked their fucking asses. A lesson was learned and we moved forward. So the fact that they take a whole day to do nothing but make the event an extravaganza of the dead and repeatedly speak of those lost does not to me bring honor to those that have lost their lives. Let the families remember them in peace. The area was made into a place of remembrance. How much more honor can you bestow upon the dead?

I hold little association with the dead. There are a few that I remember in my own humble way, but I do not force those ways on anyone else and they for my benefit alone. Maybe I'm just not understanding the brevity of the situation but I just know that I can't stand to sit and watch videos of past events that cause pain. I do not look back to remember pain. I have enough pain of my own that comes unbidden to carry along reminders of things that hurt.

My advice to people is this- the people that were but are no more, do not linger on them for all that does is strip away the life you have left to live. Carry them close to your heart and do things that would make them proud were they still here. To try and continue to bring them forward only hurts you and causes a stagnation in the growth that could be accomplished. Live your life for who you are now and enjoy those things which make you happy, knowing that by being happy, you are honoring them in this manner as well.

It Strikes Again

I've noticed recently that I get this feeling of intense desire for attention and it seems to be the worst when I'm all alone with no one around or when no one is available to distract my attention from it. After having the much needed trip almost two weeks ago now, I think I've finally figured out what's going on.

I need touch. I need physical contact with another adult. And not just any physical contact. I need caresses and the type of touch that says someone cares for me and wants to touch me but not necessarily a needy touch, if that makes sense. For example, when someone walks by and they caress my hair or the top of my head. When their hand lingers, cupping my cheek/jaw line for just a moment before moving on. Of course other types of touching wink wink nudge nudge are welcome but that's a different story.

My daily life doesn't allow for as much touch as I'd like and to be quite honest, I am surprised by the fact that the need and desire for it has hit me again so quickly. Those that know me well are probably shaking their heads at that remark and saying they're not surprised. Perhaps it's the sleep deprivation from working long hours and staying up to make sure my schoolwork is done. I don't know, but I know that it sucks.

I'm glad that Dragon*Con is this coming weekend because it means I will be getting lots of snuggles from lots of people I adore. And perhaps some good pictures to be posted too. ;)

Small epiphanies made large

There are those who can do without kink. They enjoy it, but they don't have to have it. For them, it's a choice. And then there are those like me. Kink isn't something I can make a choice about. It's something I MUST have in my life. It helps keep me focused. Centered. Without it, I become a very cranky little girl. And my thinking becomes skewed. I start grousing and the world turns to shades of grey.

This became VERY apparent to me after the past weekend. Each time I play I think I probably write something similar to this and it always seems to strike me by surprise each time how... not bad.. cockeyed? For lack of a better term. (sorry, I can't help but giggle EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I read that word) Anyway, back on topic, it always stuns me how unsettled my thinking was before play time. It's like I don't realize how bad off I am until afterwards, when I'm able to focus and think clearly again.

And to say this last round was sorely needed is an understatement. I am going to have to find a way to get regular play time. I don't like being in the mental state I've been in recently. Working around my duties and schedule will be difficult but dammit, I am determined to find a way to take care of myself. This is the area in which I've sorely slacked and I'm seeing now just exactly how badly I've been doing with it. I just have no idea how I'm going to accomplish it.

Obviously I'm going to need help.

End of Term

So... Yeah. I became insane over the last 5 weeks. For those that had to deal with me, thank you for your patience. This term at school severely taxed me although to be fair, it wasn't just the schoolwork. The stress from my new position at work, combined with other various situations all added up to make a very untwinklie twinklie. Next semester should not nearly as strenuous.

In the next month, I'm going to have stress relief. One week from Friday, I'll be driving up to NC to see LovingMaster45 and my business partners. Two weeks after that, I will be going to Dragon*Con. After that, I guess we'll see. Hopefully I should be able to start blogging again now that "Hell Term" is over.

Moonlit Tryst

The darkness surrounds her as she walks, her shoes making small sounds as they hit the pavement with each step. She looks around to ensure no one has followed her. Once she has reassured herself no one is there, she makes her way across the street and into the stand of trees that break the city off from the forest at its edge.

Once inside the depths of the undergrowth, she heads forward and follows a path that is only known to those that have traveled its length before and are familiar with it. She makes her way to the copse knowing that it will be empty. The others all have engagements that will keep them away for the evening.

Reaching her destination, she makes her way to her space and sheds her clothes. The moon shines through the trees, turning everything to a mixture of silver and shadows. Music wends its way through her mind and causes her body to move of its own accord. Lost now, her body sways and her steps lead her in an intricate dance across the soft moss laden ground. She is unable to resist the pull and loses herself even deeper into the dance and music, not caring at this point if anyone was to catch her or not.

Strong arms wrap around her, capturing her under her arms as a head follows to kiss the crease of her neck. The dancing does not stop. It is as familiar to him as it is to her. Her hand reaches up into his hair, shaking loose leaves that have made themselves home there.  He nuzzles her and the music increases in intensity, causing a need to swell within her. A soft moan escapes her as their dance continues.

Weightlessly he lifts her up, impaling her from behind before gently bringing her to her knees and finding his rhythm within her. She is lost in the motions, his music continuing to entrance her even as his thrusts take her ever higher, closer to the precipice. Harder, faster, the pace continues with her moans and whimpers belaying her desire to please him.

His rhythm slowing, he stops and turns her over, kissing her deeply. She stares up at him, only seeing his eyes, glowing. She can see the power they hold, capturing her even more fully than before as he enters her once more. Finding his rhythm again, he leads her closer to the edge and holds her there, before one final thrust pushes her over the edge and reality is no more.

He settles his weight evenly over her and continues to nuzzle and caress her, letting her come back to reality slowly and softly. Hearing her breathing deepen and turn towards sleep, he moves to her side, grabbing a blanket and covering them both before drifting off to sleep himself.