Happy Anniversary

It's our anniversary. It's a very special affair to celebrate a long lasting relationship and we desire to carry out such a memorable event in style. You've chosen to wear your formal plaids and I am accompanying you in attire that is suitable and looks becoming when I am situated in my place in front and just to the right of you, your hand caressing my lower back as we enter the building.

Numerous voices call your name and you are greeted warmly by still others. As we move through the throng, I nod and smile, nervous, not knowing anyone other than you. Dining begins and the lively conversation takes hold as everyone enjoys the meal. Someone catches my ear when she says, "Well, what have you waited this long for? Just do it!" Before I can turn to see what is being spoken of, your hand has grasped the hair at the nape of my neck and your lips push against mine, taking me in a kiss that says I am not in control and would be stupid to think otherwise.

When our lips finally part, I am breathless and stunned by the suddenness of the kiss. Your lips whisper beside my ear, "Cum for me, little one." Helpless to do anything but respond, my orgasm starts. I am able to hold it back and keep quiet. This does not last long as you push me further, your hand trailing up the inside of my thigh. 

"That's right. Louder. I want everyone to hear you cum for me," you say as your hand trails ever further up, finding the soft folds of my cunt lips, slick with my arousal. My moans and whimpers strengthen in volume as your hand moves its way inside my pussy, working magic with your fingers. The room is forgotten as my mind fills with your scent, your touch inside me and your voice in my ears. 

You slowly remove your fingers and bring them to my lips, waiting for me to take them in, to taste my own juices and to clean with my tongue while doing so. You then stand, taking me by the hand and lead me to a sitting area just off the side of the dining hall. This area is darker than the dining hall, with shadows flitting here and there, making figures dance along the walls. You seat me on a chaise lounge, leaning me back softly.

Moving to stand over me, you lift up your kilt, showing me your cock, before you bring it to my lips, to be taken in all the way, my lips and tongue working their way up and down the length of you, feeling you grow harder even as I moan around you, my desire ever increasing. Behind you, I feel hands on my thighs, spreading my legs, lifting my skirt, fingers at my pussy, confirming my desire before feeling another cock plunging itself into me, thrusting hard and fast from the very beginning.

Not knowing who he is, all I can do is to continue worshiping your cock while he feels me with his, moving fast, hard, and deeply, causing me to clench my muscles around him as another orgasm shakes through me. Your cock continues fucking my face while he continues fucking my cunt, his cock growing larger as he gets closer to his own orgasm before finally he comes, the sounds causing me to orgasm again, moaning and thrashing under you, unable to control myself.

You move, taking your cock out of my mouth, only for another cock to take its place. I begin licking and sucking anew, finding my way around every vein and curve, looking for that sweet spot that will make his toes curl. That is, at least until another cock enters my dripping cunt, this time slowly, as if to take in the feeling of each inch, torturing me in the process, my hips trembling in desire, before pounding in deeply and holding there as my muscles clench around him, trying to egg him on, make him start again. My hips unconsciously move even as my lips and tongue continue moving along the cock in my mouth.

Suddenly, both cocks begin thrusting at the same time and the movements send me over the edge yet again. Both cocks still thrusting, as my orgasm trails into another and another, unable to stop until both men cum, their growls and moans echoing down along the hall until they disappear unto the ether.

Their release completed, they retire back to their previous positions. I am not alone for long when you come back and advise me it would be best if I got up onto my hands and knees. Knowing my place, I do as I'm told without another word. Once in position, I feel your hands lifting up my skirt, spreading my ass cheeks and then a finger enters my ass. First one finger, then two, covered in soft, slick, lubrication. Once you feel I've been opened up enough, you position yourself behind me, your cock slowly sliding in until you're buried deeply inside, as far as you can go.

You start moving slowly, gaining speed until the sound of your balls slapping against me can be heard as you fuck my ass fast and hard. My hand has wound its way to my pussy, moving to and fro across my clit until I burst into orgasm again. Your hand begins my ass, spurring my orgasm further with each swat until I am shuddering under you with no further prompting necessary as you take your pleasure from me, ever increasing in intensity until you feel I have been used enough. Your pleasure takes over and cum, feeling my orgasm wash through me again, causing my muscles to spasm around you once more, milking you for every last drop.

Our time in this place has closed to a draw and so we stand, me wobbling as I do so, and we straighten our garments as best we can, before taking our leave and making our way back home. Once home, the bed beckons us with its sweet embrace and before falling into the dreamless sleep of the thoroughly used and satiated, I whisper, "I love you. Thank you for such a wonderful evening."

"You're mine now and always. I love you. Happy anniversary, my sweet little slut."

Tai Chi

As many of you may know, I recently started taking Tai Chi lessons. It is something that I've wanted to do for a long time and I finally decided to just do it and make the finances work around it. It is a decision that I am happy with thus far. The facility is clean and the employees are friendly. I have been made to feel like a member of the team from everyone and that is important. The teacher (herein referenced to as "Shifu") is an honest to goodness Shaolin fighting monk from China and is incredible. I have also been given the go ahead for volunteering in their front office and I'm excited by this prospect. Let's hope it turns out well!

I chose Tai Chi and Qi Gong (both are taught in this class) because it begins with becoming more aware of myself internally and deals with Chi/energy. Since I've started taking Tai Chi, I apparently sound "well fucked" after my lessons. This has been said by several people that don't even know each other and I have to admit it makes me giggle, but there is a truth in those words. After I've had a class/lesson, I feel more relaxed and centered. I feel calm and in some ways almost giddy. I consider this a very good thing. I just wish I had someone to go with me, that I could share this with.

There have been several times when Shifu has told us something in class regarding energy, about how it works and how we should gain control of it and allow it to flow properly throughout our bodies. Each time he does, it almost catches me by surprise because it reflects what I have felt to be true. The difference here is that I finally have an experienced teacher showing me HOW TO DO IT. This makes me so very happy. I know there is sooo much to learn and that I can't rush it. Doing this just FEELS right. It resonates through every bone and if I could, I'd go to every class that's offered.

For a long time, I have wavered, almost floating on a sea of religion, taking in one, rolling it around in my head and then discarding it because it didn't feel right or whatever the case was that would cause me to decide it wasn't a good fit. Here, I almost feel like I've got the beginnings of something that fits with how I feel internally that the world works. I may have to tweak it a bit to encompass other things but I'm only just beginning on this journey. I only know that had I closed this door before it had really been opened, I would always have wondered. At least now I can see it through and see where it takes me.

Special Occasions Such as Easter

I realized today that I have a disdain for people that don't dress up for special occasions. We decided to take Mini-me to an Easter egg hunt today. When I was growing up, Easter events and other special occasions meant that everyone dressed in their Sunday best. It was one of the few times we got to dress in a nice dress and get pretty dress shoes.

I have to admit that I enjoyed those times because I didn't get new things very often. When we went to the egg hunt today, not only was Mini-me one of two kids I saw dressed (in what I consider) nicely, I was the ONLY female there that was in a skirt. I realized afterwards that this really bugged me. I believe that when it is a special occasion, you should take the opportunity to allow yourself to dress your best. Maybe it's old fashioned, but it's something that I will be teaching my little one.

Could it be that I'm developing a sense of propriety for certain occasions? O.o

Yay new updates!

I realize I haven't written much lately. And it's not because I've been crazy busy like I was most of the last half of last year. Since I had my surgery, I've found myself actively avoiding the internet and the computer all together. There for a while, I was pretty much only answering texts and messages from a select few people. Someone said  it was because my priorities had changed. I don't believe this to be the case. What was happening was that I wanted a more personal "touch" from those around me. I wanted the physical and when that wasn't to be had, the vocal. I wanted to FEEL those around me, not just see their messages scroll across whatever screen I was looking at.

Recently, I've been able to get a bit of what I need and it has helped. I'm not entirely back yet, but I'm working on it. I still have a great need for some energy work and more physical touch, but at least I'm not as bad off as I was a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully the coming months will be even better.

On a completely different topic, I'm going to be taking Tai Chi. I'm starting it off with Qi Gong, will move into Tai Gong and then eventually Tai Chi. I'm looking very forward to this because it's something I've wanted to do for a long time and will help me work on learning how to do more with my personal energy. I've thought about it for a bit and the more I've thought about it, the more right it's felt. I sincerely hope it works out.

And about school: I'm partway into my last class and it's going well. I should be graduating in May/June. More information to come as I get it. I've also made my decision about which school I'm going to for my BA and now I just have to get everything together to put in my application. I so can't wait to be done with school. *falls over*

Other than that, I'm working my tail off as usual at work. I'm going to be asking what it takes to get a promotion when they do our annual reviews, which should hopefully be sometime within the next three weeks.  Wish me luck!

Updates and Whatnot

Ok, so the last time I posted was like, in November. At that time, I had just found out that I had a "meningioma", which is a tumor located on the lining of one's brain. I had also ascertained I would have it removed, posthaste before it grew any larger and started causing problems.

I had surgery on December 15th and just had my one month follow up with the neurosurgeon. He said the incision looks great and has released me to go back to work this coming Monday with no restrictions. He had also put me on anti-seizure medication immediately after the surgery, as a precaution. I no longer have to take it and stopped taking it following my appointment this past Wednesday. Over yesterday and today I have already noticed an increase in my energy levels and attribute this to anti-seizure meds. I'm VERY happy to have energy again, instead of feeling all lethargic and tired all the time.

Also, the Monday before my surgery, I had my finals for school. I'm so very happy to say that I made an A in both classes. Those that heard me ranting and raving about my Macroeconomics class will understand how happy I am considering I would have been happy with simply passing the class by the end of the semester. I am not skipping a semester because of my surgery. I have already enrolled and have my book for next semester. Classes begin on Tuesday but as my class is an "in-class" class and is on Mondays, I actually don't have class until the following Monday. This gives me a week to get used to being back to work. The last day of class is officially May 11th and then I will be graduating with my Associates in Accounting. I'll be halfway there, at last.

I've already contacted the two schools but I have to apply for admission before they'll really talk to me about anything. I think I'm going to skip summer semester so as to give myself plenty of time to make sure I have everything together. This gives me until June 1st to have applied and been accepted to both schools, or somewhere thereabouts. After the rush of the last... 7 or so months, I do not feel like rushing again right now and I'm not going to push myself. It took me the entire month I've been out of work to both recuperate from the surgery and the stress I'd been under. I'd like to not be quite so stressed again for a little while, thanks.

I also had another bout with my ear, having the tinnitus and low pitch hearing loss. I went to the ENT who put me on another dosage of prednisone and is also wondering if it might be something called "Meniere's Disease" which essentially means there is something that is triggering these episodes and it's a matter of figuring out what it is and keeping it under control, if possible. Otherwise, not much can be done. I have my follow up with the ENT this coming Tuesday.

I have headaches every day, thanks to the surgery, but as time and healing continues, the headaches are decreasing in frequency. I also have issues with eating, since they had to separate one of the muscles the jaw uses to get to the area where the tumor was. The doctor said this is normal and that it could last for months, until the muscle reattaches to the bone and finishes healing. It's annoying, but I'm not going to complain because it could have been MUCH worse.

During my time off, I've finished the bib I was making for my supervisor who's wife is expecting in March and I've started working on the next project for my Mini-me. It looks ok so far and we'll see how it turns out in the end. So the next steps- going back to work on Monday and then starting school again the following Monday. I also want to continue working on getting my stamina back up to normal levels and continue making progress on Mini-me's project. I have 2 others behind that one that should be fun to do as well but I will get to them whenever I do.

Also on the list of upcoming things to do is getting back into the swing of losing weight. I haven't gained entirely back to where I was and the plan is to get started again to make my goal weight. I'm not making any promises but I've already started by cutting back on the amount of cokes I've been drinking and I also plan to be eating more homemade meals instead of fast food.

All in all, I think things are going well. I haven't figured out what to do with my hair yet, but I think I need to wait just a bit longer to let the incision area finish healing up. I'm still thinking of cutting the underside of that whole side short and dying it purple... Teeheehee.

The Overwhelming

Some days are dark. Sometimes the stress of everything accumulates and builds up, much like the gunk in your bathtub drain. You have to clear it out. Release the tensions held within and allow the tears that burst forth as though a damn has broken. You have to let yourself start anew. A new day, new worries. New news. No news. Something. Nothing. Everything. Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting an unknown battle and I'm losing. Everything hurts.

Why is it that I can cry when I'm by myself? I can be chatting with someone online and the tears can be streaming but if I'm face to face with someone, it is much more difficult for me to cry. Maybe it's because when you're taught that showing your emotions so clearly bother people, you tend to learn to hold them within and only let them out in the privacy of your car, your bedroom, the bathroom, wherever there are no other people that can't be bothered with your release of tensions built up within. There are those that know how to bring those tears forward and I am thankful to them. Those handful of people know who they are.

I try so very hard to do my best. I feel like there's a current pulling me away from it all; stalling me and holding me in place. I fight against my restraints to prove my self worth and yet the restraints grow more tightly until I finally just let go and accept that I may not be enough for everyone, even some people that I want so very much to be enough for. The most difficult times for me is when I'm doing my best but it simply isn't enough.

How do I ask for attention when I feel I'm intruding, when there isn't enough time. Time, time, fucking time. There aren't enough hours in the day to do what needs to be done and still be able to be with those I love. How long do I last before I find the breaking point and the well within overflows without and sweeps away everyone and everything within the tidal wave created by the bottleneck of those that don't have time? It always comes back to time.

I want a bare-handed spanking. Not one where it's a fast, hard thwack that causes a help so loud the neighbors a mile down the street can hear it. I want one that starts so soft as to be butterfly kisses upon my cheeks and gains repercussion until I'm flying and limp in someone's lap. I want someone that has the ability to give as hard as I need, when I need it, but also to have the ability to hold back when gentle is what is called for. I do love bruises, but play isn't always about leaving a mark. Sometimes it's about making your partner fly so very high and slowly come back to find themselves in the loving arms of someone who cares for them.

I used to consider myself low maintenance. I've begun to change my opinion on that. What I like, what makes me fly, seems to be changing, morphing. Or perhaps I just lost sight of it for a while. I want that feeling back. I don't want to be the girl that has to prove she can be a pain slut and can take every thwap as it is, too see what it will take for her to call yellow. I like the marks that last for days or even weeks to remind me of what happened but I also want to fly again. I want find that shattering point and be held there. I want to stay floating for a while and be allowed to come back down on my own time, no matter if it takes 30 minutes or 6 hours. Please.

Of Tardis' and Time Lords

Your hand in my hair, gripping me to you as you kiss me deeply , brings me nearly to my knees. How I have yearned to feel that once more. The strength contained in those hands is so much more than is presented upon the sight of them. Kisses trail from my lips, down my neck and shoulders, to land softly upon my arm before teeth find their mark and bite down, leaving me gasping and swaying on my feet, endorphins now rushing through my system to leave me giddy and smiling like a fool for no apparent reason other than that I've felt your touch once more.

You leave me to go back to the task at hand and I make my way out of the room trailing a wake of heat behind me hot enough to turn heads as they smell my scent on the air. Distractions find me and I regain my composure once more. Sights and sounds such as I've not seen before pass my gaze and I am stunned at the breath taking scenery before me.

The day passes and as light turns to dusk, I find you once more and we gather together as had been presuppositioned earlier would happen and suddenly rope is wrapped around me tightly, the green length of it shining brightly against my red sweater. You sway, causing me to sway with you, your body tightly pressed to mine, creating a sensory overload as the feel of the rope against my arms and the heat of your body take over me and cause me to instantly submit to your will.

Letting go of the rope, you lead me where you will, knowing I will follow. The evening turns to true night and we settle in, having a pleasant discourse with other like-minded individuals, me sitting at your feet as you stroke my hair.

Finally, everyone has decided it is time to part ways and you take my hand, advising me that we have somewhere we should be as well. Finding a suitable space, you stand against me, cradling me and whispering in my ear. Words tumble across the blackness of space in my head creating tumultuous ramblings of time and space, Tardis' and time lords, of orgasms building and the cup overflowing through your hands and onto the floor where hands intersperse with words taking me ever further until finally the wave has broken and crashed across the shore.

Time does as it always has and eventually returns me to my shell, shattered and remade anew once again. Hands help and ultimately I am brought to my feet once more swaying and grinning as silly as a maiden at her first festival.  We make our way back to the room and then I am wrapped in your arms, left to dream the dream of one who is well spent and ready to end the day comforted by one who willingly and generously offers it.