Roughness. It has it's place. I love love LOVE it when someone gets rough with me. Let me clarify- I'm not talking about mean rough but... dominant rough. That's the only way I can really describe it. When he grabs you and throws you on the bed, forcing your legs open before you can catch your breath and then he thrusts into you, taking you for all you're worth. It's fucking hot.
I have a (possibly) little known desire for a take-down scene. The problem I see with this actually happening is that I don't fight back. I mean I do have the desire, generally when I get close to my cycle where I long for the fight, but I can't make a move to be the one to start the fight. I get a bit pissy and angsty but no one responds, probably because it's not something I really talk about. If someone pushes me into it, I possibly could fight back. I think. It's always possible I could surprise myself and fight back for all I'm worth but I have no idea what would happen. I doubt it though.
I can tell you from past experience that when I get into a situation where violence is possible, I tend to melt and then slink my way out. I can't explain it. There has only been one time in my life that I have raised a hand to another person and I blacked out when it happened so I don't even remember it.
I say all of this to say that even though I'm meek in action, there's a lion inside that does want out occasionally. I just haven't figured out how to bring her out yet, I suppose. But I crave the roughness. It takes away my breath and makes my eyes roll back in my head. It makes me wet. Being pushed against a wall and kissed like there won't be a tomorrow. Wet. Melty puddle of girl wet. Just like being bitten. It's a heady feeling when it's done right. Enough to make me dizzy from arousal.
Therein lies my argument with myself. I feel like I'm less because I don't fight back. The desire to do so is there. For some reason, I just can't bring myself to do it. Is having the girl get melty when a guy gets rough with her a turn on for him? Or is it a turn off? I'm sure there are as many answers out there to that question as there are revolutions around the sun but it's still there for me. How do I communicate that yes, rough can be good, even if the reaction received is me melting into a puddle? That I want and in fact sometimes even need it?
One time in my Taiji class, we were doing take-downs. When it was my turn to get taken down, as I was flying through the air, I literally giggled and went, "WEEEE!" as I was falling. Then wanted to do it again. So the fight continues within me, the wolf and the panther circling inside wanting to rip through and join the fight but the fox slinking back and the kitten rolling over to show her belly outweighing them 9 times out of 10.
*sighs*
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