After spending time with LovingMaster45 (anyone who is friends with me on Fetlife can find him on my relationships list and my friend list) last weekend, I realized that while I was with him, I didn't feel hungry.
This made me question whether the "hunger" I feel on most days is actual hunger or just a craving for food. Hungers and desires for various things that aren't being fulfilled can manifest in other ways within a person. With that having been said, I believe my desires/needs for all things considered kink is not met on most days. When I am around someone who fulfills that need, that desire, I'm not hungry. In fact, food is simply the means with which to provide me with the energy I need to function. Which is how it *should* be.
I know all too well the difference between a craving and actual hunger. Real hunger, the kind that eats away at you, is that gnawing in your stomach, that rumble that signifies your stomach being truly empty. It hurts physically. Cravings don't hurt. They might gnaw at your mind, because they're mental, but they don't eat at you physically. Cravings can be controlled. Hunger only grows worse with time.
When I started my journey so many years ago (yes I know, 13 years is not that many for people that are older than me, but for me it seems a long time), I never expected kink to become so integral to me. Yes I realized it was a part of who I am, but what I did not realize is that it isn't just a part of who I am. It *IS* who I am. Period. Without it, I would surely be a husk of a person, subsisting to survive and nothing more.
I realize that with my current obligations and the path set as it is, it will most likely not happen for a long time that I can actually have kink infused in my every day life. This brings to mind the question of how I should deal with the food cravings which are actually the craving for something more than what I have every day?
The first step is to realize and acknowledge the cravings. The second is to not give in. I can do this. I've done it before. If I want to lose the weight I need to lose to feel better about myself, I HAVE to pay attention. I have to exert self control over myself. The third step is to incorporate kink into my life where I can. This step is a work in progress. I am getting better and becoming closer to my kink family and finding the time where I can to spend with them. It is not nearly as much as I wish it to be but it is getting better.
I felt that I should add more to this but I just can't seem to come up with anything else at this time so I am going to end it here and to those I don't get to speak with before next Thursday, I wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving.
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