My own little neurosis

I started watching Hoarders and it made me realize one of my issues. When I was younger, I had to constantly keep an eye on anything that was considered mine or it could disappear in the blink of an eye. People were the cause of it disappearing. My younger sisters and my stepbrother. Did this cause me to become a hoarder? No, because I have no problems getting rid of things that are no longer of any benefit to me and my house shows the truth of that. But what it did cause was for me to get severely upset when someone touches/moves my things without my express permission.

When I married my husband and moved in with him, he rearranged my figurines four times within the first month of my being in the house. I had to sit him down and ask him not to move anything further for my piece of mind. The instant I see something moved, it's almost like a rush of adrenaline and fear runs through me that something I consider precious might be gone. Him being in my life has caused my panic attacks when people touch anything of mine to lessen because he has proven that he will not get rid of anything without me approving of it.

I have more control over myself now than I used to. I have to mentally talk myself out of having an anxiety attack and I have gotten to the point where the moment of anxiety is just that. It is a moment and then I make myself let go. Is it possible that I could get to the point where I have no issues at all with someone touching my things? Even now, if it is someone that I don't know very well that touches something of mine, if I'm not there to "supervise" the touching, I tend to get upset. I don't know how well I am at concealing my feelings regarding this but I do try because they have no idea about my neurosis.

When I move things that I have packed away that are fragile, I have to be the one to move them. I actually start pacing when I am not in control of my objects for fear that the person handling them will drop them and break something. I can't sit still until I know my things are within reach again and I can touch them.

Does this cause problems in my life? For the most part, no. But it does need to be acknowledged. It is a part of who I am. The wild chaotic world that goes on in my mind. I know I am not as bad as some people that can't live a normal life due to their problems and for that I am thankful. I am a work in progress and as long as I continue to work to become better than what I was, I feel like I'm doing pretty good.