Small epiphanies made large

There are those who can do without kink. They enjoy it, but they don't have to have it. For them, it's a choice. And then there are those like me. Kink isn't something I can make a choice about. It's something I MUST have in my life. It helps keep me focused. Centered. Without it, I become a very cranky little girl. And my thinking becomes skewed. I start grousing and the world turns to shades of grey.

This became VERY apparent to me after the past weekend. Each time I play I think I probably write something similar to this and it always seems to strike me by surprise each time how... not bad.. cockeyed? For lack of a better term. (sorry, I can't help but giggle EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I read that word) Anyway, back on topic, it always stuns me how unsettled my thinking was before play time. It's like I don't realize how bad off I am until afterwards, when I'm able to focus and think clearly again.

And to say this last round was sorely needed is an understatement. I am going to have to find a way to get regular play time. I don't like being in the mental state I've been in recently. Working around my duties and schedule will be difficult but dammit, I am determined to find a way to take care of myself. This is the area in which I've sorely slacked and I'm seeing now just exactly how badly I've been doing with it. I just have no idea how I'm going to accomplish it.

Obviously I'm going to need help.