Of Words and Dreams

My first ever adult hypnosis stage show. Whoever would have thought I'd be attending one of these? My hands sitting relaxed in my lap, I give no signs of my nervousness. I want to be involved but not in front of so many... strangers. I try to keep my breathing under control, even as my hands tremble and my heart thunders within my breast. The dress I picked to wear tonight is one of my favorites. Soft and clingy, yet swaying with every step, it fits me well. And the color, a shell pink, brings out my skin tone so splendidly. 

You start in on the act, creating laughter with your words and calming with your tone at the same time. Creating rapport with the entire audience. Then you start in on your test, to see who would be a good fit for your seats at the front for the real show. I follow your voice, my eyelids trying and failing to stay open. They droop closed and then as you describe the balloon tied to one wrist and then the other one becoming heavier and heavier, my arms slowly rise and lower at the same time until they are almost scissored. Even in my fear that I'll be picked, I can't seem to stop myself from reacting.

You continue on, then start selecting people to come up to the front. You have let the audience know that you may be adding people throughout the event as you see them. My nervousness does not dissipate. I don't react to everything as everyone in the seats up front do, but my eyelids remain heavy never the less. Some of the things presented are hilarious and some are interesting and even intriguing. I'm very glad I wasn't picked for this part. There is a sense of wonder even with feeling so timid. My eyes are glued to the scene, when they aren't drooping, and there is an energy in the air that is tantalizing.

The act is finished and you continue the show, talking about a technique you've been taught that you'd like to show us and finally my courage regains ground and I raise my hand to volunteer. I want to experience it. My heart speeds up more when you select me and I slowly make my way to the front. Sitting primly in the seat, I place my hands softly in my lap, keeping them in place so that no one can see my hands trembling. I keep my head down, except when I'm looking at you, to keep the audience from seeing my nervousness and fear. I focus on your voice and then as you place your hands on my face, I focus on you. Then I'm gone, as if someone hit a switch and turned my brain off. I am being held and rocked by you as you speak softly to me and then bring me back to full consciousness. Truly amazing. 

The evening continues and conversation is had by many and fun is had by yet others. We sit at tables and eat the snacks that are being served. You walk up to the table and start to introduce yourself. You get so far as to says "I am" before you pause and I interject with "cute?" nearly causing a couple of people physical distress as they were not expecting me to be so forward. You thank me and continue speaking with others at the table. As the night goes on, I see you in various areas, speaking with others attending the event. 

I mention to one or two others that I find you interesting. And then a while later, you find me sitting and taking my hand, you lead me to the center of the room. Swaying in time with the music, your string of butterflies that you are wearing are lit up and catch my attention. I mention about how lovely they are and then you are holding one, swaying it even as we are swaying, your words spoken go into my ears and straight to my brain. The world becomes soft and yielding, your hands guiding even as your voice takes me deeper and deeper. You dance with me and twirl me around, only to find that I cannot make the full twirl. I lose my balance and you catch me, keeping me from truly falling.Your voice and your eyes keep me in place, moving in time with you and being held close, hips to hip as the dancing continues. Waking me softly, our lips meet in a kiss so soft but full of energy waiting to be tasted.

Relinquishing your hold, I float gently back to where I was, my mind hazy with the events that have happened thus far. My friends giggle and glance at me knowingly. I have had a taste but want more. Ever more. Throughout the evening I speak with people, making acquaintances and perhaps even new friends. And still my mind lingers on more. I look through the crowd, watching others making new friends, meeting with old, generally enjoying themselves. It is a good evening.

My friends and I retire and knowing we'll be back again the next day, I go without hesitation, knowing you'll be there as well. Sleep comes quickly and takes me with a fierceness, butterflies flitting through my dreams with fingers gently guiding themselves across my face and voices speaking softly in my ear. Morning comes all too soon, disturbing dreams of wanting need and desire.

Attending your class this day, I beg leave from my friends as I have much interest in what you have to teach. This class being a physical class, with each person in the group pairing up with another, I decided to actually not participate. I'm not comfortable with doing something this... intimate with the others in the room. I chose a seat in the middle of the room so that I can watch you as you work, and watch the other "class mates" as they interact with each other. You are graceful in your motions, strong yet yielding, like a tree, only a bit softer.

Eventually you notice me sitting there alone and you come over to ask if I'd like a partner. I decline, with the excuse that I'm enjoying watching what is going on. And it's true that I do, but there is a growing part of me that would like to try the exercises going on. I continue watching silently and a bit later, you ask again if I'm sure I'm fine as I am. I repeat that I am and you move on, working with each pair of partners individually. Finally, just before the end, my curiosity has gotten the better of me and I ask you if you would try the induction with me once the class is over. You agree and I smile, happy that you have not denied me this.

Once the class is over and the others have left, you find me seated as I was during the class. Your hand reaches down for mine and I stand, facing  you as your bend your forehead to meet with mine, your eyes gazing and capturing my full attention. No words are spoken as you sway with me and my eyes droop then shut of their own accord. You continue swaying with me, holding me steady as you do so. The world goes fuzzy and then you are lowering me to the ground, laying me down with my lap in your head. Your hand caresses my face, your words finally surfacing as you speak softly in my ear.

My body warms to your words and your head lowers into a kiss. The energy you present warms me further and your suggestions carry that warmth throughout my body until every fiber of my being is burning with desire. My will is yours as you direct me, my cries of orgasm bursting forth to crash against the walls of the room. Waking me slowly, my desire has not yet abated and I kiss you passionately, my lips meeting yours, returning every ounce of energy you gave me, giving you more than you expected. Your kiss returns even more passionately than before and in the wake of the kiss, all clothing has been left behind.

The pillows piled on one side of the room, create a makeshift bed as we tumble backwards into them. My hands on you, I can't stop them. Caressing, stroking, building the fire within you, it's all I can do as my own body trembles with desire. My thighs are slick, and prove how willing I am. Your hand reaches down and spreads my legs before you position yourself above me, plunging in, taking, plundering reaching as deeply as you can. My back arches with the intense sensations as the orgasms roll over me, unbidden and unstoppable.

On and on our dance continues until the passion has been spent and as we lay there, catching our breath, you caress my face and gaze into my eyes once more. When you are certain I've come back to earth and that you have my attention, you speak one word: "Cum." With that word, I orgasm one last final explosive time and realize exactly what has happened. Once I can speak again, I look up at you and grin. All I can say is, "Well, played" before we both burst into laughter and snuggle down for a nap, before heading back to our lives, back to the real world.

Venting. Sometimes it is needed.

Those that are close to me are used to hearing me say that I hate my cycle. This is because my mood lowers and anything that's bothering me, any desires unfulfilled, wants or needs unmet break forth and burst upwards as though a dam has split at the seams and every emotion feels 100% stronger than any other time. My wants war within and my dreams clash. It makes it very hard to think at this time because all I can do is feel. And pushing those feelings aside to allow the logical to reign supreme is a hefty task to accomplish. My emotions wash over me and take over my actions before I've had the first chance to realize what has happened. And because of this I've had to say I'm sorry more times than I care to count.

The ache of clashing emotions overtakes me and only the letting of spilt need can overcome the tsunami within. That need can take on several different forms. From being driven to my knees by a force stronger than me, being taken to that place of calm silence that is otherwise known as subspace, to energy play far more intense than most can handle, to even a simple writing can help release that emotional overload and help me regain my sense of logic once more. The beast within must sometimes be sated for she is a part of who I am and cannot be ignored.

Post NEEHU Processing

Wow, what a weekend! Where do I even begin?? Well, I guess the answer to that (as some of my snarky friends would say) is at the beginning. So, here goes. (Fair warning to those about to read, this may turn out to be TLDR. I make no promises that it won't.)

I went into this trip not knowing at all what to expect. I was both excited and nervous because I was entering new territory. I've been going to BDSM stuff and conventions for a long time but hypnosis is still a relatively new realm for me and what I have done has been in private. I had heard from people about last NEEHU and I was really happy to be able to be a part of this one and learn new and interesting things. Not to mention have new experiences and make new friends.

So, I started out by getting up at the gawd (Why, yes! I am from the South. How did you guess?) awful way too early 3:15am to start getting ready for my plane that took off at 6:30am. Then I had a layover in Philly (first connecting flight I've ever flown on, but then again, I've only flown all of about 4 times in my life). With just enough time to get to the other gate, I didn't get to eat lunch. This in turn caused me to be very anxious and hungry when I landed. Food was had though and everything was made better by snuggles once I got to the hotel room. Which is the now infamous suite 611. *giggles*

The fun times began a bit later when we all shuttled our ways over to The Society where NEEHU2 was being held. My first impression was that I was amused by the fact that the only clue the place was there was finding the door. Walking in, I found the staff very warming and welcome with the play spaces within being adequately stocked and spacious. Of course, I was being me when I sat down at a table with some of the scrumptious food and someone walked up and said "I am..." and of course I had to interrupt with "cute?" I think I even shocked a couple of people at my table by doing that. The hypnosis show was immensely entertaining. I was actually terrified that I'd be one of the ones called up to participate. And while I'm glad I didn't participate in the main part of the show, I'm also glad that the guest of honor for the conference did pick me for the instant induction part. It was quick but very effective. The first new hypnosis experience of the weekend, with the way it was done. I was so very nervous. *giggles* That's why everyone saw me sitting with my head down and my hands placed firmly in my lap. I thought I might have a panic attack or pass out if I looked up and saw everyone watching me. Which is even funnier when you consider that I am a sexual exhibitionist.

I was very astounded at how friendly everyone was towards me that had never even met me before. And so much flirting! Holy crap! My brain is still trying to bend itself around the concept that so many others find me attractive. I'm trying to do this chronologically but somehow I don't think that's going to happen very well. there are certain things that I know for a fact happened at certain times, but then there are other things that are quite a bit hazy in the time frame area. Gee, I can't imagine why that would be... And the food! OMG The food was just fantastic. The kitchen volunteers and organizers deserve a round of applause and praises so loud that the very gods in their realms can hear it. (Nah, I don't love food at all... >.>)

And the hypnosis slam afterwards was just so much fun. I really enjoyed watching all the tists up there having fun with various subjects and implementing the most odd of focal objects. I think many people can agree that the plunger will "stick" in everyone's minds for a long time. ;) Oh! And I finally know about the tantric carrot! :-D The atmosphere was just so vibrant and wonderful. It was truly amazing.

We got back to the room relatively early since everything started at 9am the following morning. And yes, I am referencing the schedule as I write this because otherwise, there's no way I'd even be able to keep track of everything half as well as I'm doing so far. The first class of the morning was Hypnosis 101: Intro (About freaking time too that it is one of the first classes held instead of at the end.. silly people at non-hypnosis conventions). Which I of course attend every time. It's never the same, even though it does contain a lot of the same information each time, and I always enjoy it.

After that was the dual inductions class which was a blast. I almost got up to participate in that one but I got nervous (again). After the first demo with the presenters doing the dual induction, I started to raise my hand but then other tists got up to participate and my courage faltered to about -35 degrees Celsius. What? I never claimed to be courageous. LOL I was asked afterwards why I didn't and I told the person I didn't want to be seen as narcissistic. Which is also true. I didn't want to be seen like I was trying to take the spotlight from others that wanted to get up there. Hello! New girl wants all the attention! Must have ATTENTION!!! Not.

Then after that was another 101 track class that I sat in the first row for. And that was a fun class. The presenter said he may have been picking on the front row, but somehow I didn't mind. He used me as a bit of a demo for a kinesthetic induction. It's the one where you move the fingers up and down the arm in varying rhythmic patterns while you're talking to the subject. It actually took me a good 30 secs or so after he'd said that my arm would stay in place and not move before I realized he'd said it. In some ways, I feel like this is a major accomplishment because of the "problems" I've had with hypnosis in the past. It may not seem like much to those experienced in the subject, but sometimes the small things are really the biggest achievements. That happening caused me to open up a bit and be a bit more social too, I think. So thank you for that. *smiles softly*

After that was the Femdom class, which was very interesting as well. I even spoke up a bit in that one. Sometimes it just takes a little bit of time for me to warm up to people and then the mouth opens and won't stop... Well at least until a) something is shoved into it or b) my brain is turned to mush. Both of which are very acceptable means of being quieted. *giggles*

Then I attended the "Negotiating a Scene" class which serves as a good reminder for things I may have forgotten but really shouldn't have. The presenter was awesome and the group participation was even better. I'm sure the fact that lots of people were snuggled up together didn't hurt anything. ;) After that, I went to the "So.. What Can You DO With Hypnosis" class. It was very interesting to hear the different things that people like to do with it. Unfortunately I started getting a severe headache during this and right at the end went to lay down in the front lounge because it was quite and there was a comfy couch in there. And that's also where I made the discovery of "induction by hypnotits". Someone was brought in to give me some medicine (for which I am so very thankful). She asked me to sit up with my head on her chest so that she could help ease out some of the tension that had built up in my shoulders/neck and caused the headache. When she asked me if she could maybe trance me just a bit to also helped, my response was something like, "I have bewbies in my face. You can do whatever you want." Have I mentioned I like bewbies? They're soft and nommable and oh so wonderful. Ahem.. getting back on track now...

So, the medicine helped and pretty soon I was back up and moving around again, in time to join the Hypnosis Games class (I keep wanting to call them panels, silly Dragon*Con influence). I did participate in this one. I was seated and then dropped. The tist told me that my brain would cause something to happen that everyone there would enjoy when he clapped his hands. I knew what would happen if my brain had any say in the matter but I was also scared that nothing would. So then he brought me back up and started talking again. Right in the middle of the sentence, he clapped his hands, and yes, indeedy do, something surely happened. I orgasmed in front of everyone. Totally expected but unexpected at the same time and I'm fairly certain my entire face was very red too. And yes, I did enjoy it. It wasn't one of my hardest orgasms or loudest, but it was still yummy. I also think I surprised quite a few people because I had people watching me all the way back to my chair. *giggles* (now THAT'S the exhibitionist in me talking ;) )

Once that was done, we headed back to the hotel to prepare for the ceremony and I actually got to wear the slinky black dress I'd bought at a thrift store that feels FANTASTIC on my skin. Getting back to NEEHU, I started getting nervous because I had no idea what the ceremony to join M'Lady's family would consist of. I'm also fairly certain I didn't answer everything right but what came out was the first thing that popped into my head. I was so nervous of doing something wrong things popping straight from my brain to my mouth occurs when that happens. I think my palms were actually sweaty at one point. But the ceremony turned out to be absolutely energizing and I am so very thankful for everyone that turned out and for the hugs afterwards.

Then came a bit of playtime with a new friend that somehow ended up with me being naked. And, as anyone who knows me well knows will happen, once the clothes are off, they pretty much stay off for the rest of the evening. And they did. Curling up on the floor with my head in a comfy lap watching others play, some getting tied up, others getting swatted. Various activities happening at once makes for a very happy twinklie. Then the guy I called cute was informed that I'd like to play with him and the next thing I know, I'm dancing in the middle of the play space with a cute guy that had sparkly, lit up butterflies all over him and that's when things get a bit hazy. I know there was a cute girl wearing green that I started kissing and the next thing I know I've got the hand of another girl in mine and cutie in the other hand and then butterflies were draped across us and things got hazy again. Mmmm... snuggles and kisses. *happysighs*

Then more snuggles with cute guy before I was finally brought back to the group. I ended up after an unknown length of time sitting on a chair falling asleep. I have no idea how long I was sitting there but I do recall that I nearly fell out of it several times. Finally I was sent back to the hotel for sleepage. And sleep I did. I don't remember anyone else coming back or to bed or anything. LOL

Sunday morning wasn't quite so hurried since things didn't start until 10am and actually started just a bit later than that. I joined in on the light and sound machines (another new experience. YAY!) and now believe I'd like to get one for myself at some point. Damned corrupting influences of hypnosis people. *giggles* After that was something else, but I can't remember what exactly. (Like you didn't expect me to say that about something??) Some of the classes were posted last minute. I think it's fantastic that people were able to do that too because it made things seem.. I dunno... somehow even better.

And then there was the kinesthetic induction class. By this point, I had become pretty much attention overloaded. My upload bandwidth limit had been exceeded. And I was still not quite comfy with everyone so my own shyness overcame me and I ended up not participating. The presenter did come over and check on me at one point. I must have looked like a little lost sheep sitting there all alone. I wanted to join in but.. I dunno. I just didn't know if I could handle the amount of touching necessary for this one at that point. But, after having watched the presenter interact with both his demo girls and the crowd, I thought that maybe if he was willing, I would like to try. My curiosity overcoming my shyness. *giggles* He did agree and so afterwards I was able to experience it and it was a wonderful experience. I even got another short unexpected trance with him a bit later, as everyone was packing up to leave.

And then there was the Dr. Who party back in the room after NEEHU had concluded and that was yet another first for me. I have to admit I would love to do something like that again. Everyone so comfortable with each other and all snuggled up in various spots. It was... nice.

I also can't forget to mention the many snuggles and hugs and kisses that I got from people. The back scritches I got and and head scritches I gave. There really isn't anything bad I can say about the weekend. It was so wonderful. I've never... been so accepted by such a large group of people. When I think about it even now, it's still overwhelming to me. I honestly don't believe I'd have thought that I could... fit in. And I really did feel like I fit in. No one turned a cold shoulder to me. No one excluded me. I really don't have the words to describe how thankful I am to absolutely everyone I interacted with. It's very difficult for me to think of myself as truly attractive, for reasons I'll not go into here because this is a happy blog entry. But the amount of kinship and warm energy I felt towards me was incredible.

To everyone that organized the unconference and those that helped in any way; to those that attended and lent me support in any form or fashion; to those that made a friendly gesture to me or did something they might not find a big deal, I thank you. You have no idea how much every little thing that was done means to me. I am so happy to be a part of the hypnosis community and I'll stop there because this entry is wayyyyy too long as it is.

**This blog has been brought to you by: Loreena McKennitt "Huron 'Beltane' Fire Dance"**
(I have decided to include the song I used to write by as a little something extra. I hope you like it. :-D)