Needy

Today was a rough day. It wasn't extraordinarily bad. It was just very taxing. I haven't had sex in goodness knows how long. That's a major part of the problem, I'm sure. But I don't really feel as if I can control that aspect as much as I'd like of late. Lack of partners close enough to me and a busy schedule with no time off available from work until June 1st puts me in a very bad position to be taking any trips. I've had plenty of teasing but that is just making the issue worse.

A friend tried to help by giving me a few texted "commands" but I've reached the point that without physical contact, it's just not having any effect. I don't know if this is because I'm not letting it or what the deal is but I almost feel like I'm becoming numb, in a sense. What I want right now, right at this very moment is to be touched. Everywhere. To be kissed and held and fucked senseless. That is what I truly yearn for right now. I want to be worn the fuck out. Until I can't see straight and that pleasant tingliness takes over that means you're just floating in your own mind and that the world could burn up and you could care less. Because you are loved.

Each person has something different that shows them they are cared for, wanted, needed, whatever. For me, it's physical contact. Little gifts here and there don't hurt, but the thing that really talks to me is for someone to touch me. I need a caress. A kiss. Real intimacy. Without it I stagnate. My energy levels plummet and I become so very unhappy. I need. And if I were to try to tell anyone this, to actually say the words, I would hesitate. The words would draw back and I wouldn't be able to say them. To say it makes me vulnerable. I've been rejected too many times.

I'm starving for physical contact and I can't seem to find a way to get it at this time. That certainly doesn't help. I.... need.