The Randomness Inside My Mind

I don't know what to say today. I have no words to express these feelings, desires and emotions. I want, I need, I crave, I feel, I hurt, I desire. I love. I love my daughter more than words could ever express. I want what is best for her. I need her to grow up knowing she is loved. I crave things I cannot have. I feel things I do not want to express. I hurt for things that have been done and cannot be undone and for things that will never be. I desire physical pain to take away the mental anguish of confusion. I wish I knew my place in life. This limbo does not sit well. Some days are just fine, I feel secure in myself and where I am. Other days, I don't know if anything I do is right. Some days I feel smokin' hot and carry myself with pride. Others, I feel like I'm not a big deal, like there shouldn't be a big deal made about me by anyone. I never understood how anyone could be jealous of me.. I have issues just like everyone else does.. more than some, less than others. I dunno.. maybe my head is just going in circles today and no one will understand anything I have written here. I don't think I understand them.. My life is still in the midst of change and until I can learn how to mix being a Mommy with being a wife, a daughter, a sister and a perv, I think I'm going to have my ups and downs. I need a spanking I think.. LOL