What to Say?

Writing. What to write? How to write it? When to say it? Will what I write offend anyone in my close circle?

These are the questions that run through my head each time I sit down to write out my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I can border on the cold hearted bitch side of the line and I prefer not to be that way. To not do so, I filter everything I say or write, trying to find the best wording to get across my point without seeming scathing or downright rude. What I think and feel are my own and are not anyone else's opinions and thoughts and feelings. What I say will not be approved by all. This is not why I write.

I write because I have to. No, it's more than that. I NEED to write. It comes from the depths of my soul. It comes from a spot that is sacred to me that can be harmed by no person. It just is. I have been told when writing, not to fear that my words will upset someone because I won't be able to have everyone in the world like me. I know this. It is a realization I have come to terms with. That doesn't mean I can't try to say what I want but also do it in such a way that it shouldn't be considered offensive. Anyone that finds my writings offensive can just fuck off.

Ok. Now down to the nitty gritty of tonight's session. I find myself being tugged along an unknown spiritual path with no way of knowing how to even begin. I don't know how to describe it other than as a tug to my soul. It is a need, a pull; a... words fail me yet again when trying to describe it. I've felt it for years, off and on. I've never really mentioned it until now because it would go away for a time and then come back, only to go away again. The tugging now is becoming adamant that I pay attention. That I not let my feelings of sounding insane sway me from finding the path that leads me out of the mist of ignorance.

It is going to take much work to achieve what is needed. I know this. I accept it. I welcome it with open arms. Now if I could just find the damned door that opens to the right path. I've felt so long that I'm missing something. That there is something I am supposed to be doing. It gnaws at my brain, gaining ground on my giving attention to it. It is not so much the "What is my purpose?" question, as most people think of it. This is different. This feels more like a task. Or a quest of some sort. Only I haven't been given the assignment. I'm supposed to find it before I can accomplish it and it has sat dormant too long and so now it is smacking me upside the head saying that NOW is the time to do what I need to do.

I don't know where this is leading or what the end result will be, but I'm sure it will be full of adventure and wonders I never could have imagined when I was younger or even now.