Somebody that I used to know

Sometimes you cross my mind and my heart hurts with the want of you. I cannot have you. I do not want you. We are done. Yet there you are. Somebody I used to know. Sometimes in the dark, the quiet still of the dark, images take over, feelings and desires from long past overcome me. My hands reach between dripping thighs. Oh how I wish I could rid myself of you. I do not admit this during daylight hours. I cannot, will NOT, go there.

Why does the want of you hit in my lonely times, when no one is available to distract me and keep my mind from circling around you, picking up that one tiny thread that remains attached to my heart and plucking it. I remember well how my heartstrings sung when I was around you. I also remember how you melted them, one by one, cutting into my flesh and pouring lemons into the wounds created by your words.

How is it that it has been so long and yet I don't feel like I have finished grieving over what we had, what we could have been? I pray to the gods that some day you will no longer be a ghost that haunts me. At the very least, I can use the emotions provoked to create beautiful stories that may be enjoyed by others.

I hate you. I never stopped loving you. I am scared of you. I write this in a place where I feel safe because I never shared this space with you. I wish I could be free of you. I wish I had your arms wrapped around me, your words controlling me. But no. I will not go there. You are a poison within me. I wish that I could make you just somebody that I used to know in my heart.

There are times when I am weak.