Feminism

I've seen the word "feminism" thrown around recently. I've seen it used in various ways that are either negatively fashioned towards the subject or overly ecstatic towards the concept. Every time I dig into the idea, it seems I find shades of grey, so to speak. *snerks* Since I can't quite seem to grasp what it is meant to be a "feminist", I can only only say the way I see things and what I feel towards them.

Growing up, I had very few people that held significant positive impact on me. In fat, I can count on one hand with fingers left over the number of them. Out of those people, I cannot remember ever being told I was the weaker sex. If anything, I was told without being told that in some ways, we were stronger. It was in the attitudes and the way situations were handled. It was in the way I was taught how to do and make things. We weren't stronger because of physical strength. It was... other things. Being able to cry when that outlet was needed. Being able to comfort others in various ways. By being ourselves. I can't really explain it beyond that.

As I've grown older, I've determined that I DO like for a man to hold the door for me. More often than not, when I get close to a door, if a man is standing anywhere close to it, they will open it for me. I know it's polite but it makes me feel good inside. It makes smile. And I don't mind standing in front so long as I have that strong profile standing behind me. I walk more confidently. I don't know that I really understand it beyond that.

In looking at times when I've walked close to a male figure, I want their hand at the small of my back. I realize that it's a symbol of "ownership" to other males but it makes me feel... safe. Claimed. I belong. It also means I'm being shown off to others, as if it's a symbol of pride as well. The man I'm with at that moment WANTS it to be seen that I'm claimed, if that makes sense?

I don't say this to say that I can be totally run over and that I shouldn't have any say in what goes on. In fact, anyone that knows me can tell you just how stubborn and hard-headed I can be when I have a certain idea about something. I believe that women SHOULD have voting rights and get paid just as much as men. I believe that women can be and often are just as smart as men at any number of things and we should be treated as such. Our thoughts and opinions should count for an equal amount. Some of us are vapid, bore-some creatures. But so are some men. shrugs

I adore the delicacies and intricacies of politeness as well as ownership. I have absolutely zero issues of being talked of as if I'm not in the room, when the situation is appropriate. I have the need to be treated as a submissive, when I submit to someone. I don't submit halfway. That is a very difficult thing for me to do and I don't fully enjoy it when that has to be done. I submit wholly. Which is why I am EXTREMELY specific with those that I play with. Because I know how I can be hurt if I'm not. Been there, done that. Don't want the t-shirt.

Anyway, back on topic. I positively adore having a door opened for me, a chair pulled out for me, and to be treated as a trophy when the situation calls for it. I love subtle flirting that gets the heart flying and juices flowing, both mentally and physically. There is very little better than a heated conversation that ends up in playtime. Sometimes, especially, when it's several conversations and the anticipation is built up before playtime actually occurs.

As I've stated recently in one of my other writings, I love being shown I'm not the stronger person, that I can be held down by my wrists and fucked within inches of my sanity. But only when it's done by someone that also has brains. I've figured out since a friend pointed it out to me, that I am definitely attracted to someone with lots of yummy brains (or a high level of intelligence for those uncomprehending folks out there). Physical fitness is merely icing on the cake, but it certainly does enhance the flavor when it's added to the intelligence.

What I don't like, is being treated like I AM one of those vapid creatures that can't tell their asshole from a hole in the ground. I want to be able to have a say in a choice that involves me and my possible well-being. There are those that you might not see that happen with, but you can be damned sure guaranteed I have been with them long enough to trust them implicitly and know that if they believed there was even the slightest hint of anything untoward that might happen, I would be fully included in the decision first.

I am strong enough to stand on my own. I am also strong enough to let someone else make decisions for me sometimes. It is so nice to be able to relax, knowing it's not just me looking out for me. That I am safe and can let my hair down, roll over, show my belly and be a pile of girly goo for a while. Men deserve to be applauded for being able to do that. It requires a certain amount of sacrifice on their part, at least in my mind.

Perhaps I'm wrong about the way I feel about all this, but I don't care. It feels right to me and I'm not planning on changing for anyone else or changing anyone else's mind. I like being a puddle of girly goo. I think I'll stick with it for a while. ;-)