There is something to say for NRE (new relationship energy). It has a euphoria that is difficult to be found anywhere else. It leads to blood whistling through one's veins and a heady feeling of being light on your feet. Humming tunes and smiling for absolutely no reason. There isn't much that can match it.
Then there's the trust and passion that comes with a well established relationship. After a time, all the other person has to do is look at you, make a specific movement, or give you a certain touch and you can tell exactly what they want or are thinking. That kind of thing only comes with knowing each other over time. Trust like that can only be established through different situations and being shown that you WILL be ok with that person, no matter what.
And there are those who are past relationships but still present a temptation that tugs at you. You know it is best not to turn down that road again, but the call still wanders in and grips you with a strength you had forgotten about. The remembrance is often better than what is and that is what draws one down the path no longer available. Even so, sometimes that tug and pain associated with is a good door for one's muse to step through. Did I mention my muse is a bitch?
NRE for me is much like obsession or addiction. I can't think about anything other than that person without much effort on my part. It does increase my energy levels but I crave that person like crazy and in a way that type of feeling frightens me and I fight it like mad. I also look for it behind every crook and cranny, whether I realize it or not. I can't seem to help myself sometimes. Then, when I realize what I'm doing, I force myself to pull back, take stock of what is going on, and settle myself back into my corner, until next my mind wanders in that direction. Right now I'm stretched so thin between work, school, and home life that I have little time for much else. That helps keep me in check too.
ERE (established relationship energy) as I will call it for the sake of ease, is comfortable. It's like taking a soft, warm blanket and wrapping it around you on a cold night. I have a few of these and I can only hope that I hold them with the greatest care possible for they are difficult to find and hold. It is difficult for me to trust anyone with the amount of trust I give to these people. I hope they understand how much that means. When I have been with someone in this position, leaving is so difficult. My heart aches for their touch, the sound of their voice in my ears, the feel of their body against mine. That exchange of energy is so very special. I just hate that distance pulls us apart as it does.
I can't really say much more about PRE (past relationship energy) than I said above aside to say that time really does change one's perspective. Goals advance and other things take precedence. Hindsight really is 20/20.
What I can say is that I am thankful for those trusted relationships I do have. And that I miss you.
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