Jack of all trades.. and more...

I haven't written in a while because I simply haven't felt like I've had time. The times when the impulse has hit me the worst have been at the worst moments, like when I'm sitting at work on the phone with a customer. Craptastic even. When I take a break of such great length, and then finally do have a chance to write, everything wars within me to get out, and I end up writing something TLDR.

I was thinking the other day about all the things I've got an interest in and how some people take each of those things their "specialty". I don't really consider myself as having a specialty in any one particular thing. I don't get so involved in it that it takes up more time than any other thing. I may have times where I strictly play video games, or work on my cross stitching pieces, or read, or whatever else I have my mind set to, but I don't concentrate on that one area and join groups and get all wrapped up in it.

I realized that I don't, and so I asked myself why. Why don't I choose one thing to apply myself to and be my best? The immediate answer that came to mind was that there will always be someone better than me. The other, more intimate answer, pulled from the dark recesses of my mind that I try not to think about too much, was that I saw my dad do that. With love. He would fall in love with a woman and that would be it. He couldn't see anything else but his love for her. And I suffered as a result of it. I would let no one suffer because of my short sightedness. And so I don't let myself fall for anything. And so I've become a jack of all trades, so to speak. Becoming good at several different things, but not competing with anyone to become the best.

There are two people that I can truly let myself go with. Both have proven that they truly want what is best for me, not just for themselves and they have both proven they won't let me get too far gone to come back. To these people, I say that I love you. More than you'll ever know. To you, I give of myself and in return I receive more than I could ever have hoped for or feel I deserve. Thank you.