Fun Times with Vertigo

Monday saw an event that scared me. As I was getting ready for work, I developed a bout of vertigo so badly that I would have fallen, if someone hadn't been there to catch me. Between the stomach illness, shaking from head to foot, and sweating, I continued being dizzy and unable to move for nearly 45 minutes. Finally the room slowed it's spinning and I was able to lie down. I slept for nearly 3 hours and when I finally awoke, it was like I had a hangover- headache, mouth tasting like bleh and everything. After some food and liquids, along with some Tylenol, I felt improved enough to get up. I was still wobbly and a bit shaky so not much else was accomplished that day. Suffice it to say my supervisor was notified of my absence shortly after the episode began.

The doctor called in a script of Valium saying that we needed to calm down my system because it was freaking out. I had no problems with that because I completely agreed.

Yesterday I was able to make it back to work but still felt a bit wobbly and shaky. I decided to go to tai chi last night, hoping that the movement and relaxation/moving meditation would help. What didn't help was when the instructor mentioned being blindfolded while doing the tai chi walk. Given the closeness of my experience on Monday, I mentally freaked out about that and mentioned that I hoped it wouldn't be done with me because I'd surely fail right now. The instructor got onto me telling me that it wasn't the right attitude to take and that I would fail because I had set my mind to it that I would.

While I understand that the instructor fully believes in the power of tai chi, and I do as well, I guess I felt that my situation was not being taken seriously. When I left the school, I felt disheartened and was in tears. The knot in my chest that wanted me to cry lasted throughout most of today and it warred with the very strong desire to just stop everything and sleep. I muscled through it and by the end of the evening I felt better. I am thankful for this. I also did not want to be put in front of the class. What I wanted and still believe I needed was to be able to stay at the back and follow along, to recoup myself mentally. Instead, I was forced to be in the front, and forgot to include one of the basic moves that I shouldn't have forgotten. So on top of everything else, I failed. I'm not one of the lowest sashes anymore. I should have known it, even having been gone for 3 weeks because of being really sick...

In thinking about and mulling the situation over in my head, I realized that this episode of vertigo seriously scared me. It's never come on that quickly and that harshly before. I have no idea what caused it. I've been maintaining my diet within the sodium parameters as best I can. I understand my stress levels are high because of my job and I am doing my best to keep that level down as much as possible. I also realized that in some respect, this episode has me feeling fragile at this moment.

I'm so thankful I wasn't driving when it hit or I really don't have any idea what might have happened. My hope at this point is that I don't have another one of these episodes anytime soon, if ever. And I could certainly use all the hugs I can get right now.