I had a dream. It was a very interesting dream. First one I've had in a while, which just goes to show how bad I've felt recently. In the dream I was at one of my companion's homes, by the water. We were at the beach and the water was so clear and calm, you could see all the way to the bottom, to the sand and pebbles underneath. My companion's wife was there too, which is good, because she's awesome. Sitting with my companion, he reaches over and kisses me, fucking me with a kiss. Utterly fantastic, I can feel the orgasm to the tips of my toes.
Another man showed up after this. He was called, "The Ambassador." Yes, he was wearing the clothing that would make him appear to be of such a station. Yummy. He had a toy. It was small and it spun in mid air. It made me squirm and get wet; hot. But that wasn't all it did. It had the ability to draw out the truth to whatever question The Ambassador wanted an answer for. What questions did he have for me? He wanted to know my innermost desire; he wanted to know what turns me on the most.
What answers did my subconscious give to him? The top two, and most important: money and jealousy. The rest was inconsequential. This is where my waking mind remembers it and goes, "What the hell???" To some people money and jealousy can be very influential. To me, money is something to use to get what we need. Jealousy is something I do not allow in my life, as much as is possible. So what do those two answers mean? I pondered this and realized that for me, money means the ability to do what I want, because as we all know, money makes the world go 'round. It would be so much easier (probably not in reality) if that weren't the case, but it is. And my finances have been stretched extremely tightly for a bit now. This won't change for a little while.
The second thing was jealousy. My first thought was, "What the fuck?" and then I began to think further. Let's think about this in a different fashion. When someone is dominant, they have a certain "something" about them. There is no specific word for it, although I guess magnetism could work. Anyway, I have seen times where dominance is taken as jealousy by the casual observer. The muggles sometimes don't get the difference between the two. To me ,the jealousy thing is a signal that I'm desiring dominance. Not in myself, of course, but being dominated. Being with someone who is dominant. Being able to walk beside them and feel myself freed because I can let go, let someone else have control. I'm tired of having to maintain the level of control I have to exert every day. A much needed break is greatly desired.
It was a weird way for my brain to tell me what I need right now, and doesn't really change the situation, but I guess it's nice to know that my subconscious is acknowledging my needs?
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