Ranty Rant Rant

Warning- What I have to say today may not be to the liking of everyone. I will not apologize for what I'm about to say. It is my opinion and just like everyone else with an asshole, I have one.

We watched the first 30 minutes of the ceremony for 9/11. After that we turned it off. It's ok to memorialize those that were lost in so tragic an event however to bemoan it and drag it out grates on my nerves. We did what was necessary to take care of the situation after it occurred. Why do people seek to make the feelings of pain last when the time has moved on? I love my country and I respect anyone in this country, be they from here or anywhere else, that fights for the freedoms we have today. If it weren't for them, we wouldn't be able to say we're proud of being in the USA because we wouldn't BE the USA.

Maybe I'm strange in that once a situation has arisen and been taken care of, I feel that it should not be lingered on. The message was received loudly and clearly and the threat was dealt with. We stood up and we kicked their fucking asses. A lesson was learned and we moved forward. So the fact that they take a whole day to do nothing but make the event an extravaganza of the dead and repeatedly speak of those lost does not to me bring honor to those that have lost their lives. Let the families remember them in peace. The area was made into a place of remembrance. How much more honor can you bestow upon the dead?

I hold little association with the dead. There are a few that I remember in my own humble way, but I do not force those ways on anyone else and they for my benefit alone. Maybe I'm just not understanding the brevity of the situation but I just know that I can't stand to sit and watch videos of past events that cause pain. I do not look back to remember pain. I have enough pain of my own that comes unbidden to carry along reminders of things that hurt.

My advice to people is this- the people that were but are no more, do not linger on them for all that does is strip away the life you have left to live. Carry them close to your heart and do things that would make them proud were they still here. To try and continue to bring them forward only hurts you and causes a stagnation in the growth that could be accomplished. Live your life for who you are now and enjoy those things which make you happy, knowing that by being happy, you are honoring them in this manner as well.

It Strikes Again

I've noticed recently that I get this feeling of intense desire for attention and it seems to be the worst when I'm all alone with no one around or when no one is available to distract my attention from it. After having the much needed trip almost two weeks ago now, I think I've finally figured out what's going on.

I need touch. I need physical contact with another adult. And not just any physical contact. I need caresses and the type of touch that says someone cares for me and wants to touch me but not necessarily a needy touch, if that makes sense. For example, when someone walks by and they caress my hair or the top of my head. When their hand lingers, cupping my cheek/jaw line for just a moment before moving on. Of course other types of touching wink wink nudge nudge are welcome but that's a different story.

My daily life doesn't allow for as much touch as I'd like and to be quite honest, I am surprised by the fact that the need and desire for it has hit me again so quickly. Those that know me well are probably shaking their heads at that remark and saying they're not surprised. Perhaps it's the sleep deprivation from working long hours and staying up to make sure my schoolwork is done. I don't know, but I know that it sucks.

I'm glad that Dragon*Con is this coming weekend because it means I will be getting lots of snuggles from lots of people I adore. And perhaps some good pictures to be posted too. ;)

Small epiphanies made large

There are those who can do without kink. They enjoy it, but they don't have to have it. For them, it's a choice. And then there are those like me. Kink isn't something I can make a choice about. It's something I MUST have in my life. It helps keep me focused. Centered. Without it, I become a very cranky little girl. And my thinking becomes skewed. I start grousing and the world turns to shades of grey.

This became VERY apparent to me after the past weekend. Each time I play I think I probably write something similar to this and it always seems to strike me by surprise each time how... not bad.. cockeyed? For lack of a better term. (sorry, I can't help but giggle EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I read that word) Anyway, back on topic, it always stuns me how unsettled my thinking was before play time. It's like I don't realize how bad off I am until afterwards, when I'm able to focus and think clearly again.

And to say this last round was sorely needed is an understatement. I am going to have to find a way to get regular play time. I don't like being in the mental state I've been in recently. Working around my duties and schedule will be difficult but dammit, I am determined to find a way to take care of myself. This is the area in which I've sorely slacked and I'm seeing now just exactly how badly I've been doing with it. I just have no idea how I'm going to accomplish it.

Obviously I'm going to need help.

End of Term

So... Yeah. I became insane over the last 5 weeks. For those that had to deal with me, thank you for your patience. This term at school severely taxed me although to be fair, it wasn't just the schoolwork. The stress from my new position at work, combined with other various situations all added up to make a very untwinklie twinklie. Next semester should not nearly as strenuous.

In the next month, I'm going to have stress relief. One week from Friday, I'll be driving up to NC to see LovingMaster45 and my business partners. Two weeks after that, I will be going to Dragon*Con. After that, I guess we'll see. Hopefully I should be able to start blogging again now that "Hell Term" is over.

Moonlit Tryst

The darkness surrounds her as she walks, her shoes making small sounds as they hit the pavement with each step. She looks around to ensure no one has followed her. Once she has reassured herself no one is there, she makes her way across the street and into the stand of trees that break the city off from the forest at its edge.

Once inside the depths of the undergrowth, she heads forward and follows a path that is only known to those that have traveled its length before and are familiar with it. She makes her way to the copse knowing that it will be empty. The others all have engagements that will keep them away for the evening.

Reaching her destination, she makes her way to her space and sheds her clothes. The moon shines through the trees, turning everything to a mixture of silver and shadows. Music wends its way through her mind and causes her body to move of its own accord. Lost now, her body sways and her steps lead her in an intricate dance across the soft moss laden ground. She is unable to resist the pull and loses herself even deeper into the dance and music, not caring at this point if anyone was to catch her or not.

Strong arms wrap around her, capturing her under her arms as a head follows to kiss the crease of her neck. The dancing does not stop. It is as familiar to him as it is to her. Her hand reaches up into his hair, shaking loose leaves that have made themselves home there.  He nuzzles her and the music increases in intensity, causing a need to swell within her. A soft moan escapes her as their dance continues.

Weightlessly he lifts her up, impaling her from behind before gently bringing her to her knees and finding his rhythm within her. She is lost in the motions, his music continuing to entrance her even as his thrusts take her ever higher, closer to the precipice. Harder, faster, the pace continues with her moans and whimpers belaying her desire to please him.

His rhythm slowing, he stops and turns her over, kissing her deeply. She stares up at him, only seeing his eyes, glowing. She can see the power they hold, capturing her even more fully than before as he enters her once more. Finding his rhythm again, he leads her closer to the edge and holds her there, before one final thrust pushes her over the edge and reality is no more.

He settles his weight evenly over her and continues to nuzzle and caress her, letting her come back to reality slowly and softly. Hearing her breathing deepen and turn towards sleep, he moves to her side, grabbing a blanket and covering them both before drifting off to sleep himself.

Schooooooooooollll

School has started for this term. This term is a tremendously short term, having only 5 weeks yet including information for a 10-15 week class. I'm also taking 3 classes this term. I'm into the first week of it and am already tremendously busy. This means I probably won't be doing much writing on here until it's over, and will probably need lots of help in the stress relief department.

Who's up for the challenge?

Touch

There are times when I need to be touched. And it doesn't even have to involve sex. That's right. You heard correctly. The ever sexing twinklie sometimes does not need sex to be satisfied.

There are times when it's about the feel of someone else's skin on my own. The sensation of energies mingling on an innocent level. Of feeling the way another person cares for me just by the way they touch me. A caress on the cheek. A hand on the back of the neck. Fingertips brushing my arm.

I want to be overwhelmed by it, until I have to give back to release the dam of pent up feelings until the room is warm with the glow of it all. I want to be that energizer bunny of happiness that takes the energy given and returns it tenfold.