Day 1: The meaning behind your blog name

To discuss this, I actually have to talk about a couple of different names. First, there's my current FL nickname: twinklie. Then there's my previous nickname: kibblesntits. And finally, there's another nickname I go by: squiikitoi.

Squiikitoi is the oldest of all three nicknames and I still use it today. It came from my days of playing World of Warcraft. I had a gnome rogue who had pink bubblegum colored pigtails and she was very mischievous. She was a character that I truly relished playing. she was cute and feisty and didn't take shit from anyone. I adored her. The name for that character stuck with me even after I left the game and it's one that I will always cherish.

Kibblesntits. This was a nickname that I came up with on a whim and it made me laugh. I don't really use it any longer but some people still refer to me by it, so I felt it should be mentioned.

Twinklie is the newest of my nicknames. I created it a couple of years ago because I felt it was time for a change. What I actually wanted to use was twinkie, because well.. I'm soft and squishy with a yummy cream-filled center. That didn't feel quite right though, so I came up with twinklie, with a bit of help. I'm sure it will change again at some point, but who knows to what. My brain is a weird place after all.

30 Days of Blogging

Ok, so to help get myself back into the swing of it, I'm going to create a list of topics for myself to write on, one for each day. I know there are a few days where I will not be able to write, but as soon as I can, I will write on the next topic on the list. So without further adieu, here is the list for this time around.


Day 1- The meaning behind your blog name
Day 2- Where you’d like to be in 10 years
Day 3- Your views on drugs and alcohol
Day 4- Your views on religion
Day 5- Share a website you spend way too much time on, and why
Day 6- Write 30 interesting facts about yourself
Day 7- The hardest lesson you've had to learn
Day 8- A moment when you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 9- How you hope your future will be like
Day 10- Offline vs. Online relationships according to your own experiences
Day 11- Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12- Bullet your whole day
Day 13- Somewhere you’d like to move or visit
Day 14- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 15- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 16- Something you crave for a lot
Day 17- Your highs and lows of the past year
Day 18- Your favorite song.
Day 19- Describe your childhood in sounds and smells.
Day 20- How important you think education is
Day 21- One of your favorite shows
Day 22- How have you changed in the past 2 years
Day 23- Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous and who you find attractive
Day 24- Your favorite movie and what it’s about
Day 25- Someone who fascinates you and why
Day 26- What kind of person attracts you
Day 27- Describe the last deep kiss you shared with someone.
Day 28- Something that you miss
Day 29- Make a list of random things you think about.
Day 30- Your least favorite words

"About time" Update

So yeah, it's actually way past time, but at least I'm getting to it, right?

I had my surgery in December. Two weeks later I got the staples removed and ended up having to lop off my hair. I'm still not happy about having short hair (even though apparently everyone thinks it's cute.. it's still not me).

The biggest change I've noticed since my surgery is that I've had a SERIOUS downswing in my computer usage. In fact, I've been actively avoiding the computer much of the time. I have only been getting on the computer when I have to. This includes messaging and texting. I've only been messaging with a few people. It's almost like I can't stand to see someone typing me. I want physical contact with them. If it can't be in person, I at least want to hear a voice.

I went back to the neurosurgeon last week for my six month follow up and was told that the incision has healed nicely and I don't have to go for another MRI until December. My hair has pretty much grown right over the entire area and even I have to feel around to find it. Looks like I'll be having an MRI once a year for the rest of my life. Yay me!

On another note, I did graduate on May 14th. No one is happier about that than I am. I've also done my orientation for my next school and class starts August 20th. Onwards and upwards!

I attended SELF this past weekend and that was a very interesting event. I wish I could have stayed the entire weekend, but that wasn't to be. I saw one or two people I knew, met a few new people and the rest.. Well, that's private. *winks*

I will try to be online a bit more, but if you want my attention, the best way to get me is to actually call me (not while I'm at work of course, because I won't be able to answer). It'll be a point in your favor if you do.

Somebody that I used to know

Sometimes you cross my mind and my heart hurts with the want of you. I cannot have you. I do not want you. We are done. Yet there you are. Somebody I used to know. Sometimes in the dark, the quiet still of the dark, images take over, feelings and desires from long past overcome me. My hands reach between dripping thighs. Oh how I wish I could rid myself of you. I do not admit this during daylight hours. I cannot, will NOT, go there.

Why does the want of you hit in my lonely times, when no one is available to distract me and keep my mind from circling around you, picking up that one tiny thread that remains attached to my heart and plucking it. I remember well how my heartstrings sung when I was around you. I also remember how you melted them, one by one, cutting into my flesh and pouring lemons into the wounds created by your words.

How is it that it has been so long and yet I don't feel like I have finished grieving over what we had, what we could have been? I pray to the gods that some day you will no longer be a ghost that haunts me. At the very least, I can use the emotions provoked to create beautiful stories that may be enjoyed by others.

I hate you. I never stopped loving you. I am scared of you. I write this in a place where I feel safe because I never shared this space with you. I wish I could be free of you. I wish I had your arms wrapped around me, your words controlling me. But no. I will not go there. You are a poison within me. I wish that I could make you just somebody that I used to know in my heart.

There are times when I am weak.

The Drums Carry the Rhythm

A bonfire casts light against the night air and figures dance, creating wavy shadows upon the sand as they move. The drums echo into the silence of the sand dunes, carrying long forgotten, instinctive movements along the airwaves. We join them, hand in hand, arms touching, bodies catching the movements and using them, turning the shadows into mated lovers, mirroring them. The air smells of sand and ocean, of sex.

I am swept up in the movement, feeling heady with the scents filling my nostrils, the sights and sounds before me and within me. Your hand trails up my arm and across my shoulder before making it's way down my side, causing me to shiver as your hand flits across my skin before finding a resting place against my lower back, pulling me close to you.

Your hand raises my face to yours and your mouth captures mine, kissing me deeply and dragging a moan from me, helpless to you already. I open my eyes and look into yours, seeing the perigee moon looking back at me, your gaze egging me on, heavy with desire. I press myself closer to you, biting my lip slightly as my hand makes a trail of it's own across your back.

A small hut stands off to the side, providing little more than a place to lay down up off of the sand. We slowly make our way to it, your hand caressing my ass. Upon arrival, you grasp me in a crushing kiss that takes my breath away before bending me over onto the seat within the hut. Your hand flits across my ass before you begin a tempo of your own, beginning soft and slow, stopping here and there to caress once more before continuing on. Swiftly your rhythm increases until I am whimpering and moving underneath you.

Having had enough of this game, you move, thrusting into me swiftly, taking me with the heat of your cock and allowing me no chance to regain any composure before you start fucking me, causing me to cry out and fly even higher. My muscles spasm around your cock as I cum, my orgasm blending itself with the drum beats in the distance.

Still you fuck me, taking your pleasure, wringing every ounce of moisture from my wet cunt. Your nails run down my back, causing a purr to rumble all the way through to your cock before you thrust hard and once more I'm spun off into another orgasm, my juices running down my legs. Your hands wrap around my hips, thrusting your cock harder and faster, causing one orgasm to fall into another and yet another.

Your breathing growing ragged, I can feel your cock grow larger as you get closer and I increase my own rhythm against you, milking your cock, wanting every ounce you give to me. You continue your pace until I begin to wonder if it was my imagination before you finally tumble over the precipice and cum with me.

Gathering our wits about us, we make our way back to the bonfire and bid a fond farewell to others still enjoying the party and getting a grin in return as they see the satisfied smiles on our faces. We return to the house, taking a shower to ensure sand isn't in unwanted places, before falling into bed, our arms entangled. Our breathing relaxes, providing a perfect counterpart to each other.

Happy Anniversary

It's our anniversary. It's a very special affair to celebrate a long lasting relationship and we desire to carry out such a memorable event in style. You've chosen to wear your formal plaids and I am accompanying you in attire that is suitable and looks becoming when I am situated in my place in front and just to the right of you, your hand caressing my lower back as we enter the building.

Numerous voices call your name and you are greeted warmly by still others. As we move through the throng, I nod and smile, nervous, not knowing anyone other than you. Dining begins and the lively conversation takes hold as everyone enjoys the meal. Someone catches my ear when she says, "Well, what have you waited this long for? Just do it!" Before I can turn to see what is being spoken of, your hand has grasped the hair at the nape of my neck and your lips push against mine, taking me in a kiss that says I am not in control and would be stupid to think otherwise.

When our lips finally part, I am breathless and stunned by the suddenness of the kiss. Your lips whisper beside my ear, "Cum for me, little one." Helpless to do anything but respond, my orgasm starts. I am able to hold it back and keep quiet. This does not last long as you push me further, your hand trailing up the inside of my thigh. 

"That's right. Louder. I want everyone to hear you cum for me," you say as your hand trails ever further up, finding the soft folds of my cunt lips, slick with my arousal. My moans and whimpers strengthen in volume as your hand moves its way inside my pussy, working magic with your fingers. The room is forgotten as my mind fills with your scent, your touch inside me and your voice in my ears. 

You slowly remove your fingers and bring them to my lips, waiting for me to take them in, to taste my own juices and to clean with my tongue while doing so. You then stand, taking me by the hand and lead me to a sitting area just off the side of the dining hall. This area is darker than the dining hall, with shadows flitting here and there, making figures dance along the walls. You seat me on a chaise lounge, leaning me back softly.

Moving to stand over me, you lift up your kilt, showing me your cock, before you bring it to my lips, to be taken in all the way, my lips and tongue working their way up and down the length of you, feeling you grow harder even as I moan around you, my desire ever increasing. Behind you, I feel hands on my thighs, spreading my legs, lifting my skirt, fingers at my pussy, confirming my desire before feeling another cock plunging itself into me, thrusting hard and fast from the very beginning.

Not knowing who he is, all I can do is to continue worshiping your cock while he feels me with his, moving fast, hard, and deeply, causing me to clench my muscles around him as another orgasm shakes through me. Your cock continues fucking my face while he continues fucking my cunt, his cock growing larger as he gets closer to his own orgasm before finally he comes, the sounds causing me to orgasm again, moaning and thrashing under you, unable to control myself.

You move, taking your cock out of my mouth, only for another cock to take its place. I begin licking and sucking anew, finding my way around every vein and curve, looking for that sweet spot that will make his toes curl. That is, at least until another cock enters my dripping cunt, this time slowly, as if to take in the feeling of each inch, torturing me in the process, my hips trembling in desire, before pounding in deeply and holding there as my muscles clench around him, trying to egg him on, make him start again. My hips unconsciously move even as my lips and tongue continue moving along the cock in my mouth.

Suddenly, both cocks begin thrusting at the same time and the movements send me over the edge yet again. Both cocks still thrusting, as my orgasm trails into another and another, unable to stop until both men cum, their growls and moans echoing down along the hall until they disappear unto the ether.

Their release completed, they retire back to their previous positions. I am not alone for long when you come back and advise me it would be best if I got up onto my hands and knees. Knowing my place, I do as I'm told without another word. Once in position, I feel your hands lifting up my skirt, spreading my ass cheeks and then a finger enters my ass. First one finger, then two, covered in soft, slick, lubrication. Once you feel I've been opened up enough, you position yourself behind me, your cock slowly sliding in until you're buried deeply inside, as far as you can go.

You start moving slowly, gaining speed until the sound of your balls slapping against me can be heard as you fuck my ass fast and hard. My hand has wound its way to my pussy, moving to and fro across my clit until I burst into orgasm again. Your hand begins my ass, spurring my orgasm further with each swat until I am shuddering under you with no further prompting necessary as you take your pleasure from me, ever increasing in intensity until you feel I have been used enough. Your pleasure takes over and cum, feeling my orgasm wash through me again, causing my muscles to spasm around you once more, milking you for every last drop.

Our time in this place has closed to a draw and so we stand, me wobbling as I do so, and we straighten our garments as best we can, before taking our leave and making our way back home. Once home, the bed beckons us with its sweet embrace and before falling into the dreamless sleep of the thoroughly used and satiated, I whisper, "I love you. Thank you for such a wonderful evening."

"You're mine now and always. I love you. Happy anniversary, my sweet little slut."

Tai Chi

As many of you may know, I recently started taking Tai Chi lessons. It is something that I've wanted to do for a long time and I finally decided to just do it and make the finances work around it. It is a decision that I am happy with thus far. The facility is clean and the employees are friendly. I have been made to feel like a member of the team from everyone and that is important. The teacher (herein referenced to as "Shifu") is an honest to goodness Shaolin fighting monk from China and is incredible. I have also been given the go ahead for volunteering in their front office and I'm excited by this prospect. Let's hope it turns out well!

I chose Tai Chi and Qi Gong (both are taught in this class) because it begins with becoming more aware of myself internally and deals with Chi/energy. Since I've started taking Tai Chi, I apparently sound "well fucked" after my lessons. This has been said by several people that don't even know each other and I have to admit it makes me giggle, but there is a truth in those words. After I've had a class/lesson, I feel more relaxed and centered. I feel calm and in some ways almost giddy. I consider this a very good thing. I just wish I had someone to go with me, that I could share this with.

There have been several times when Shifu has told us something in class regarding energy, about how it works and how we should gain control of it and allow it to flow properly throughout our bodies. Each time he does, it almost catches me by surprise because it reflects what I have felt to be true. The difference here is that I finally have an experienced teacher showing me HOW TO DO IT. This makes me so very happy. I know there is sooo much to learn and that I can't rush it. Doing this just FEELS right. It resonates through every bone and if I could, I'd go to every class that's offered.

For a long time, I have wavered, almost floating on a sea of religion, taking in one, rolling it around in my head and then discarding it because it didn't feel right or whatever the case was that would cause me to decide it wasn't a good fit. Here, I almost feel like I've got the beginnings of something that fits with how I feel internally that the world works. I may have to tweak it a bit to encompass other things but I'm only just beginning on this journey. I only know that had I closed this door before it had really been opened, I would always have wondered. At least now I can see it through and see where it takes me.