Tonight, old relationships are on my mind. Relationships that are long since gone. Emotions swirl across the tip of my tongue, light and airy but pulling at my heart strings like a harpist playing a harp. I can feel the tremors as they flow down the line, plucking first this emotion, then that one. I no longer wish to be with these people; the relationships are over and the doors are closed. What I desire is what I felt when I was with them.
I have gone for far too long without playtime. Lack of finances in combination with no vacation time due to recent health issues for both myself and husband have contributed heavily to this. I fear that whoever my play partner is next, that I may cry on them. I hope they will understand that it is not necessarily them, but the outpouring of the pent up frustrations and emotions that are held within and have been for too long a time in between releases. That has happened once before and I felt that it was awkward. I didn't even mean for it to happen that time. Didn't realize it would.
Every day, I have to maintain constant control. Control at work. Control at school. Control at home with both parties that wait for me to get home each day. I'm tired. I need to be able to just.. let go. Let someone else take charge. I need to be able to crawl across the floor, sit at your feet, and know that there will be touch on the other side. I need to feel your hand just above the nape of my neck, pulling gently on my hair, letting me know I'm not in charge right now.
I need to be taken, shoved up against a wall, and fucked. *sighs*
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