It has come to my attention (as of today) that vertigo is not my friend. Sitting at my desk, on the phone with a customer and I get a sudden "zing" feeling between my eyes. I know exactly what this means. I somehow make it through the phone call and quickly take one of my anti-nausea pills before it gets worse, which it does. I then send a coworker an IM advising her whats going on so that she can keep an eye out on me, just in case. Of course within the next 5 minutes, the rest of my cube mates know as does my supervisor and manager.
I am very glad I was already sitting or I may have ended up hurting myself when it happened. I also hated having to tell them I couldn't get up and move when they came over to tell us all to head over to the next section to celebrate someone's 5th anniversary with the company. In a way, it made me feel like a failure. I know this is minor in comparison to what was going on, but it doesn't change the fact. I don't think I could express my gratitude for how both my supervisor and manager showed their concern for me during the time of the episode. That is one thing I love about where I work, is that when something is happening, they show that they care, even if I'm not friends with them, and am of a lower rank. In that moment, it doesn't matter. What matters is making sure I'm ok.
On a different note, I am learning to recognize the signs that I'm about to "go down". I get this concentrated feeling in the middle of the bridge of my nose, right between my eyes. I don't quite know how to describe it. It's almost like the feeling when you cross your eyes. Kind of like a buzz right there and then it gets strong really fast, and the next thing I know, I'm on a mental tilt-a-whirl. Today, I was able to breathe my way through it. I almost got to the point of tears, but not quite and my hands did shake but not as badly, although it was noticeable enough that my cube mate could tell. The other supervisor could tell by how I was walking afterwards what was going on (because he's gone through the same thing) and stopped to walk beside me, just in case. As I said, caring. It can make a difference.
The episode did pass and I was able to take a 5 minute nap during lunch, which I'm sure helped, although I really needed a longer nap. Later on, when I had gone to get letters, I came back to my desk and one of my cube mates asked me why I was up walking around. I told them because if I didn't, it wouldn't get done (my letters) and that it's lazy. Another cube mate responded "or vertigo" reminding me that I shouldn't look at it the way I was without saying such. Much like my Shifu scolding me in how I talk to myself. I really can be very hard on myself. I am so lucky to be surrounded by people who, while they don't quite understand exactly what's going on, they know it's not good and don't treat me like I'm making it up.
I did very well with my food today. I had tea and a banana for breakfast. I had an orange for snack and then I had a peanut butter sandwich and juice for lunch. Dinner was mixed veggies (potatoes, broccoli, carrots, and celery) with rice. And another cup of tea to curb the craving for something else. I did have a few Hershey kisses (like 6), but I am weaning myself since I didn't have any other sweets. And now, I think I shall away to bed. Tomorrow night is studying for my biology test on Saturday. I am determined that I WILL make a better grade on this one. And then Saturday night is FROLICON!!! I wish I could be there tonight but I am just extremely happy I get to go on Saturday. Yay! Here's hoping some of my really good friends show up too. *nudge nudge* *wink wink*
March 28, 2013
March 27, 2013
Follow Up with the Specialist ENT
I had my appointment with Shifu on Monday night and the verdict is that I'm to cut out coffee, cokes, sweets, and meats (all except fish). I'm sure this is only the beginning but it's going to be difficult. Yesterday I did not do so well. I did have veggies and rice for lunch but dinner was fail. Mostly because my brain was fried but also because I got hit by the tired stick and couldn't spare the energy it would have taken to make dinner.
Today I did MUCH better. I went all day without coffee but owies my head hurts. I keep telling myself that after three days, I'll feel better. I had tea and a banana for breakfast. I had my juice and a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. To tide me through class, I had some cut up mixed fruit. I was bad and got some goldfish crackers but considering, I'm not going to say I did too badly. And then I came home to leftover pasta with tomatoes and green beans for dinner. Oh and water. Can't forget the water.
I also had my follow up with the specialist ear doctor today. I am growing less and less enthused with him as time goes along. Right after I complained and told him that I swear the ear thing is related to my allergies, he recommended that I start taking allergy shots to see if that helps. I started doing that towards the end of November. In December, I came down with head/sinus/respiratory issues and that continued off and on through February. Last month, I talked to the allergy nurse about the possibility of the illnesses being caused by the shots and she said yes. She advised they would start holding me steady for a week or two after each increase instead of continuing to ramp up. Low and behold if I haven't started feeling better.
At my follow up today, I was talking to the nurse and advising her of the situation. While we were talking, she mentioned to me that this was the first time she'd seen me smiling. Anyone that knows me at all knows that is not me at all. I think it is very telling that she made that comment. Then, when the doctor came in and she told him about the allergy shot situation, as well as the fact that when I had my last REALLY bad episode and they gave me Valium, my body reacted negatively to it, he acted surprised. He jokingly looked me and told me he didn't he'd ever understand me. My response was that he was not the first person to tell me that.
What gets me is that this is supposed to be an ENT that specializes in the type of problem I have. If you are a specialist in that area, how could you not realize how the body interacts within it's functioning systems. Now mind you this is just my opinion, but when someone says that using a c-pap caused them some of the same similar issues, and a c-pap essentially pushes air through the nasal cavities, it only seems likely that part of the problem may have to deal with pressure sensitivities. Also, it is a known fact that sinus infections can cause ear problems. Allergies aren't always hives or throat swelling going to die any moment type of reactions. Some allergic reactions involve the sinuses. Isn't it logical to assume that those would bother the ears too?
I have also learned with the recent storms over the last couple of weeks, that barometric pressure affects my ear as does my stress levels. When my stress levels increase, so does the problems with my ear. *sighs* I need playtime.
I am going to check out and see if there are any other specialists that I can go to for a second opinion. I've given this guy almost a year and I've seen less than stellar performance from him. I think I may have seen him for all of two minutes today before I was told to come back in 3 months for another follow up and hearing test.
On a positive note, I'm doing well in tai chi. And I got my annual review at work, which was good. My manager said he would be putting through my promotion as soon as he can. Yay me!
Today I did MUCH better. I went all day without coffee but owies my head hurts. I keep telling myself that after three days, I'll feel better. I had tea and a banana for breakfast. I had my juice and a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. To tide me through class, I had some cut up mixed fruit. I was bad and got some goldfish crackers but considering, I'm not going to say I did too badly. And then I came home to leftover pasta with tomatoes and green beans for dinner. Oh and water. Can't forget the water.
I also had my follow up with the specialist ear doctor today. I am growing less and less enthused with him as time goes along. Right after I complained and told him that I swear the ear thing is related to my allergies, he recommended that I start taking allergy shots to see if that helps. I started doing that towards the end of November. In December, I came down with head/sinus/respiratory issues and that continued off and on through February. Last month, I talked to the allergy nurse about the possibility of the illnesses being caused by the shots and she said yes. She advised they would start holding me steady for a week or two after each increase instead of continuing to ramp up. Low and behold if I haven't started feeling better.
At my follow up today, I was talking to the nurse and advising her of the situation. While we were talking, she mentioned to me that this was the first time she'd seen me smiling. Anyone that knows me at all knows that is not me at all. I think it is very telling that she made that comment. Then, when the doctor came in and she told him about the allergy shot situation, as well as the fact that when I had my last REALLY bad episode and they gave me Valium, my body reacted negatively to it, he acted surprised. He jokingly looked me and told me he didn't he'd ever understand me. My response was that he was not the first person to tell me that.
What gets me is that this is supposed to be an ENT that specializes in the type of problem I have. If you are a specialist in that area, how could you not realize how the body interacts within it's functioning systems. Now mind you this is just my opinion, but when someone says that using a c-pap caused them some of the same similar issues, and a c-pap essentially pushes air through the nasal cavities, it only seems likely that part of the problem may have to deal with pressure sensitivities. Also, it is a known fact that sinus infections can cause ear problems. Allergies aren't always hives or throat swelling going to die any moment type of reactions. Some allergic reactions involve the sinuses. Isn't it logical to assume that those would bother the ears too?
I have also learned with the recent storms over the last couple of weeks, that barometric pressure affects my ear as does my stress levels. When my stress levels increase, so does the problems with my ear. *sighs* I need playtime.
I am going to check out and see if there are any other specialists that I can go to for a second opinion. I've given this guy almost a year and I've seen less than stellar performance from him. I think I may have seen him for all of two minutes today before I was told to come back in 3 months for another follow up and hearing test.
On a positive note, I'm doing well in tai chi. And I got my annual review at work, which was good. My manager said he would be putting through my promotion as soon as he can. Yay me!
March 21, 2013
Meditation- Am I doing it right?? (aka WTF??) O.o
I have been doing my best to meditate at least once a day as I was told to do by Shifu. I'm not quite sure I'm doing it right. I start out with my hands at my stomach, tips of my thumbs touching and one hand over the other (kind of making a triangle shape between them, if that makes sense). I focus on my breathing and then "feeling" my chi move up and down my spine, into my neck and lower back. As I'm doing this, I have noticed a pattern. My mind will eventually (timing varies) start to wander. And then I'm taken off on a journey through my head by whatever varying thought crosses my mind and gets my attention. I don't realize this is happening until some sort of sound brings my attention back to matters at hand.
I also realized that this is how I put myself to sleep at night. I center myself and allow the thoughts to cross by, letting myself follow whatever wandering thread my brain latches onto and then the next thing I know it's some time later or the alarm goes off, whatever. So meditation for me apparently = going to sleep. Which I don't think is what is technically supposed to happen. I have a penchant for getting lost in thought. Following flights of fancy wherever they might lead. It leads to some pretty interesting dreams. I think I'm going to have to study up on meditation a bit more to determine what I'm actually supposed to be doing because I'm fairly certain it isn't supposed to be falling asleep.
I also realized that this is how I put myself to sleep at night. I center myself and allow the thoughts to cross by, letting myself follow whatever wandering thread my brain latches onto and then the next thing I know it's some time later or the alarm goes off, whatever. So meditation for me apparently = going to sleep. Which I don't think is what is technically supposed to happen. I have a penchant for getting lost in thought. Following flights of fancy wherever they might lead. It leads to some pretty interesting dreams. I think I'm going to have to study up on meditation a bit more to determine what I'm actually supposed to be doing because I'm fairly certain it isn't supposed to be falling asleep.
March 20, 2013
Frustrations Build Up
Tonight, old relationships are on my mind. Relationships that are long since gone. Emotions swirl across the tip of my tongue, light and airy but pulling at my heart strings like a harpist playing a harp. I can feel the tremors as they flow down the line, plucking first this emotion, then that one. I no longer wish to be with these people; the relationships are over and the doors are closed. What I desire is what I felt when I was with them.
I have gone for far too long without playtime. Lack of finances in combination with no vacation time due to recent health issues for both myself and husband have contributed heavily to this. I fear that whoever my play partner is next, that I may cry on them. I hope they will understand that it is not necessarily them, but the outpouring of the pent up frustrations and emotions that are held within and have been for too long a time in between releases. That has happened once before and I felt that it was awkward. I didn't even mean for it to happen that time. Didn't realize it would.
Every day, I have to maintain constant control. Control at work. Control at school. Control at home with both parties that wait for me to get home each day. I'm tired. I need to be able to just.. let go. Let someone else take charge. I need to be able to crawl across the floor, sit at your feet, and know that there will be touch on the other side. I need to feel your hand just above the nape of my neck, pulling gently on my hair, letting me know I'm not in charge right now.
I need to be taken, shoved up against a wall, and fucked. *sighs*
I have gone for far too long without playtime. Lack of finances in combination with no vacation time due to recent health issues for both myself and husband have contributed heavily to this. I fear that whoever my play partner is next, that I may cry on them. I hope they will understand that it is not necessarily them, but the outpouring of the pent up frustrations and emotions that are held within and have been for too long a time in between releases. That has happened once before and I felt that it was awkward. I didn't even mean for it to happen that time. Didn't realize it would.
Every day, I have to maintain constant control. Control at work. Control at school. Control at home with both parties that wait for me to get home each day. I'm tired. I need to be able to just.. let go. Let someone else take charge. I need to be able to crawl across the floor, sit at your feet, and know that there will be touch on the other side. I need to feel your hand just above the nape of my neck, pulling gently on my hair, letting me know I'm not in charge right now.
I need to be taken, shoved up against a wall, and fucked. *sighs*
March 19, 2013
Updates & Schoooooolllll
My one year anniversary from when I started Taiji has come and gone, very unceremoniously. Also, I believe part of my problem and why I've been so sick off and on since December lies with my allergy shots. I emailed the allergy nurse who confirmed my suspicions and advised we would take it more slowly with me. Hopefully the fact that I'm now taking Meclizine, which also happens to be an antihistamine, will help with my allergies. I guess only time will tell.
They have now posted the summer and fall semester class lists. It looks like I'll only be taking one class during summer semester since apparently this school doesn't really do much during that semester. So, yay volleyball! But that will at least get one of my two required PE classes out of the way. Then in the fall, I'll be back to three classes. I'll be taking Into to Marketing during the week and then on Saturdays will be my second biology class and then American Government.
While I have a bit more free time during the summer, I need to do research on how to completely rewrite my resume so that it doesn't look like crap, which it pretty much is right now. I received some advice from a good friend who does resumes for a living, which will help. If I could afford to have her do it, I'd just pay her, but she's a bit expensive, even if she is worth every penny of it. ;)
I've continued to do my meditation and taigong and am still feeling better. I ate a bit badly this past weekend and can tell, but even now, I'm not as bad as where I was; which reminds me- I need to remember to make my next patient appointment with my Shifu. I really can't say enough good things about the Taiji school. I just wish I could get more people to show up and join. I really suck at salesmanship.
I also really suck at fighting. I can say that I know more now than I did before, which is useful, but I just don't know how to use my body that way. I'm all about sex and I can go with the flow (pun not intended) there, but when it comes to fighting, I have three left feet. Quite frankly, I don't see how anyone does it. I mean, logistically and intellectually I can see it. I just don't have the know-how to do it. At least not right now. This will take LOTS of practice.
I'm currently pending my annual review at work. I'm beginning to understand that when we're told it will be in March, they mean the absolute last bit of March as possible. I'm not a patient person. I want it done and over with so I can know where I stand. It's not as if I don't really know, but I just hate the anticipation of being reviewed for my job performance. It's kind of like taking a test. I want to know my score right away.
They have now posted the summer and fall semester class lists. It looks like I'll only be taking one class during summer semester since apparently this school doesn't really do much during that semester. So, yay volleyball! But that will at least get one of my two required PE classes out of the way. Then in the fall, I'll be back to three classes. I'll be taking Into to Marketing during the week and then on Saturdays will be my second biology class and then American Government.
While I have a bit more free time during the summer, I need to do research on how to completely rewrite my resume so that it doesn't look like crap, which it pretty much is right now. I received some advice from a good friend who does resumes for a living, which will help. If I could afford to have her do it, I'd just pay her, but she's a bit expensive, even if she is worth every penny of it. ;)
I've continued to do my meditation and taigong and am still feeling better. I ate a bit badly this past weekend and can tell, but even now, I'm not as bad as where I was; which reminds me- I need to remember to make my next patient appointment with my Shifu. I really can't say enough good things about the Taiji school. I just wish I could get more people to show up and join. I really suck at salesmanship.
I also really suck at fighting. I can say that I know more now than I did before, which is useful, but I just don't know how to use my body that way. I'm all about sex and I can go with the flow (pun not intended) there, but when it comes to fighting, I have three left feet. Quite frankly, I don't see how anyone does it. I mean, logistically and intellectually I can see it. I just don't have the know-how to do it. At least not right now. This will take LOTS of practice.
I'm currently pending my annual review at work. I'm beginning to understand that when we're told it will be in March, they mean the absolute last bit of March as possible. I'm not a patient person. I want it done and over with so I can know where I stand. It's not as if I don't really know, but I just hate the anticipation of being reviewed for my job performance. It's kind of like taking a test. I want to know my score right away.
March 13, 2013
Return of my Dreams
I did it. On Monday I sent my food log to Shifu. I am waiting to hear back but I have confirmed he has received it. Now I wait on his response. I confirm again that I go into this with the knowledge that my entire diet must change if I am to retain my hearing and regain my balance.
I have continued to do the meditation and taigong and I have started doing my best to not hold onto stress as I have been and I know that in itself is a good thing. I've also started dreaming more. My dreams over the last couple of evenings have been very vivid and full of "flavor." I have not dreamed in a while. I did not realize that until recently. I'm not sure of the cause, since there can be numerous ones involved; however, I am glad my dreams have returned.
The night before last I dreamed I was at a friend's house. Mini-me was with me, as there were other children there for her to play with. And Robin Williams was there. I've always liked him as an actor, but I don't think I've ever consciously thought of him as sexy. In the dream, though, he was EXTREMELY sexy. At some point, the children were all taken out to get ice cream. Leaving me alone with a hawt Robin Williams and my friend's husband. Oh, and I should also mention that the friend's husband was a Scotsman. *shivers in delight*
When I told someone about this dream, they responded and asked if he (Robin) was hairy. My response: I wasn't paying any attention to that. And I wasn't. It was a very heated dream. It did NOT encourage me to get up the next morning.
Last night I dreamt I had a HUGE book, not in thickness but the size of the book was just huge, like some of the children's books. I had it open and where I had it open to had lots of sticky notes, where I was using it for reference. Hubby, Mini-me and I were all sitting on the couch together. Hubby reaches over with a big red marker and starts writing in my book. I got pissed. Writing in books to me is a no-no. You just don't do it. Not even with schoolbooks. Books are one thing I hold sacred. You do not dog-ear them and you do not mark in them. Other people might, but not me. So to me, this was a big deal. Anyway, back to the dream, he started trying to say he was sorry, loving on me and trying to put his head in my lap. I was so mad I didn't want to touch or be touched by him. I pushed him off of me and got up off the couch, fussing at him the entire time. What a weird dream.
Ah well, such is as it is. Look at who is the one having the dreams.
I have continued to do the meditation and taigong and I have started doing my best to not hold onto stress as I have been and I know that in itself is a good thing. I've also started dreaming more. My dreams over the last couple of evenings have been very vivid and full of "flavor." I have not dreamed in a while. I did not realize that until recently. I'm not sure of the cause, since there can be numerous ones involved; however, I am glad my dreams have returned.
The night before last I dreamed I was at a friend's house. Mini-me was with me, as there were other children there for her to play with. And Robin Williams was there. I've always liked him as an actor, but I don't think I've ever consciously thought of him as sexy. In the dream, though, he was EXTREMELY sexy. At some point, the children were all taken out to get ice cream. Leaving me alone with a hawt Robin Williams and my friend's husband. Oh, and I should also mention that the friend's husband was a Scotsman. *shivers in delight*
When I told someone about this dream, they responded and asked if he (Robin) was hairy. My response: I wasn't paying any attention to that. And I wasn't. It was a very heated dream. It did NOT encourage me to get up the next morning.
Last night I dreamt I had a HUGE book, not in thickness but the size of the book was just huge, like some of the children's books. I had it open and where I had it open to had lots of sticky notes, where I was using it for reference. Hubby, Mini-me and I were all sitting on the couch together. Hubby reaches over with a big red marker and starts writing in my book. I got pissed. Writing in books to me is a no-no. You just don't do it. Not even with schoolbooks. Books are one thing I hold sacred. You do not dog-ear them and you do not mark in them. Other people might, but not me. So to me, this was a big deal. Anyway, back to the dream, he started trying to say he was sorry, loving on me and trying to put his head in my lap. I was so mad I didn't want to touch or be touched by him. I pushed him off of me and got up off the couch, fussing at him the entire time. What a weird dream.
Ah well, such is as it is. Look at who is the one having the dreams.
March 11, 2013
So Far So Good
Ok.. so maybe I shouldn't try to promise even every other day. Have I mentioned I suck at daily journaling these days? I have done my best with keeping up with the taigong and the meditation. I have figured out that trying to meditate at bedtime puts me to sleep. It does seem to help me sleep better though. Which is interesting.
During my lunches at work, I am able to find a quiet place that hardly anyone goes around at that time of the day where I can both meditate and practice my tai chi. It still isn't warm enough to do it outside and I'm still not sure I can get over being self conscious enough to go out into the courtyard anyway. Not to mention the other things that go along with it. Namely the clothing I wear to work. There are some skirts and dresses that would not suit those purposes. I suppose I could bring my exercise shorts but why go through all the extras when I can just do it in the area where I have been and no one bothers me. Not to mention, if I brought something to change into, the extra time to change and then get downstairs would seriously cut into the small amount of time I've left myself to eat.
Tonight I will be sending Shifu my list of my dietary intakes over the past two weeks and I'll be including the header that I am well aware most of it is crap. I have taken this into full consideration and I am willing to do what it takes to make myself better. I have already seen a significant improvement in my ear. The tinnitus has drastically reduced and my balance has become much more stable. I forgot to take my sudafed before bed last night (namely because I forgot to buy more as I was out) so my ear was a bit bad today, but even so, no where near as bad as it had been. This is a very good thing.
Depending on how Shifu changes my diet, I may not need the extra time I am utilizing now. If I end up not needing it, then I may force myself out of my comfort zone and get outside as the weather gets warmer. I suppose we'll see. And I will do my utmost best to whine as little as possible about whatever changes are made to my diet. In the end it WILL be worth it, all the way around.
Since I have been doing the taigong and meditation, I have noticed my stress levels decreasing and I feel like I'm in a much more pleasant mood. I believe I have been carrying weights on my shoulders that do not belong there and I am more than happy to get rid of them. I feel like I have been carrying too much on myself. Some things I cannot handle and I need to let go. They will get taken care of. Some of them need not get taken care of by me. I cannot do everything and I cannot allow everything to drag me down. I have been buried for far too long in a steel cage of my own making within the cage I had already built and it is too confining. It is time to unlock this one and let it dissolve back into the ether.
I saw what I consider evidence of this today. Some might call it coincidence, but to each their own. I had a call before lunch that left a sour taste in my mouth. A customer that was not happy and nothing I could do would make them happy. The situation wasn't my fault, nor was it theirs, but they could not see anything but bad and exuded negative energy much like a wave pool can take over a person not expecting the next wave. I advised the person I would have my supervisor review the file and call them back as there wasn't anything further I could do to help them. I finished the call and while I was wound up because of it, I let it go. I went to lunch and I did my meditation/taigong. When I came back from lunch, I heard my supervisor talking with her and a bit later when I went to check the file, I couldn't find it. I searched and then realized she had transferred it to her name. It was no longer my problem.
I only know that as this journey continues, it will be interesting. There will be bumps along the way but I know I am in trustworthy hands and I have those around me that support me in what I am doing and most important of all, I support myself in this.
During my lunches at work, I am able to find a quiet place that hardly anyone goes around at that time of the day where I can both meditate and practice my tai chi. It still isn't warm enough to do it outside and I'm still not sure I can get over being self conscious enough to go out into the courtyard anyway. Not to mention the other things that go along with it. Namely the clothing I wear to work. There are some skirts and dresses that would not suit those purposes. I suppose I could bring my exercise shorts but why go through all the extras when I can just do it in the area where I have been and no one bothers me. Not to mention, if I brought something to change into, the extra time to change and then get downstairs would seriously cut into the small amount of time I've left myself to eat.
Tonight I will be sending Shifu my list of my dietary intakes over the past two weeks and I'll be including the header that I am well aware most of it is crap. I have taken this into full consideration and I am willing to do what it takes to make myself better. I have already seen a significant improvement in my ear. The tinnitus has drastically reduced and my balance has become much more stable. I forgot to take my sudafed before bed last night (namely because I forgot to buy more as I was out) so my ear was a bit bad today, but even so, no where near as bad as it had been. This is a very good thing.
Depending on how Shifu changes my diet, I may not need the extra time I am utilizing now. If I end up not needing it, then I may force myself out of my comfort zone and get outside as the weather gets warmer. I suppose we'll see. And I will do my utmost best to whine as little as possible about whatever changes are made to my diet. In the end it WILL be worth it, all the way around.
Since I have been doing the taigong and meditation, I have noticed my stress levels decreasing and I feel like I'm in a much more pleasant mood. I believe I have been carrying weights on my shoulders that do not belong there and I am more than happy to get rid of them. I feel like I have been carrying too much on myself. Some things I cannot handle and I need to let go. They will get taken care of. Some of them need not get taken care of by me. I cannot do everything and I cannot allow everything to drag me down. I have been buried for far too long in a steel cage of my own making within the cage I had already built and it is too confining. It is time to unlock this one and let it dissolve back into the ether.
I saw what I consider evidence of this today. Some might call it coincidence, but to each their own. I had a call before lunch that left a sour taste in my mouth. A customer that was not happy and nothing I could do would make them happy. The situation wasn't my fault, nor was it theirs, but they could not see anything but bad and exuded negative energy much like a wave pool can take over a person not expecting the next wave. I advised the person I would have my supervisor review the file and call them back as there wasn't anything further I could do to help them. I finished the call and while I was wound up because of it, I let it go. I went to lunch and I did my meditation/taigong. When I came back from lunch, I heard my supervisor talking with her and a bit later when I went to check the file, I couldn't find it. I searched and then realized she had transferred it to her name. It was no longer my problem.
I only know that as this journey continues, it will be interesting. There will be bumps along the way but I know I am in trustworthy hands and I have those around me that support me in what I am doing and most important of all, I support myself in this.
March 6, 2013
Keeping up with my Health
After my last post, I had another episode that Saturday. It wasn't as bad as the one on Monday but it was bad enough that hubby had to come get me from school because I couldn't walk. I also had to be taken off of the Valium because it was causing the opposite effect on me than it should have. I started having a constant knot in my chest, much like you get right before you start crying and it didn't stop. I was always on the verge of tears. I told the doctor's nurse about this and she took me off of it and put me on Meclizine instead. As soon as I started decreasing the Valium, I felt the difference. End result- no more Valium for me unless I have an oncoming episode, in which case, I am to crush one of the pills and put it under my tongue so it enters my system much more quickly. I think that is part of the reason the episode that Saturday wasn't quite as bad. That and the fact that I was able to have enough time before it got really bad to take my anti-nausea medicine and let it get into my system.
However you look at it, my decision at that point was that I will NOT let this get any worse. In my studies through some of the academic resources I have the ability to utilize, I was able to determine that the doctors consider Meniere's Disease to be an idiopathic autoimmune disease. To dumb it down, it's a problem with the body's immune system and the doctors don't know what causes it or why it happens. They have found certain things that help with the most common cases but those "fixes" don't always work. So what does one do when they have a problem that the doctors can't fix and they can't allow themselves to not do something about it? I went to my Shifu.
Shifu has officially taken me on as a patient on Tuesday of last week. He started out with doing his energy thing that he does (where he has you sit in a chair and breathe, then takes his hands and holds them a certain distance from your body while doing what I can only classify as an examination of an internal sort). He then advised me I was to do taigong 3 times per day. Taigong is essentially breathing and stretching. It takes me approximately 10 minutes to get through it once. On the days when I can, I would do this twice, three times per day. My schedule doesn't always allow for this though, so on the days when I couldn't, I was able to do 2 times per day, doing 30 minutes of it each time. I did this every day until I met with Shifu again this past Monday (day before yesterday).
This time, Shifu did his examination again and led me through a guided meditation. During this one, he advised me to focus on my breathing and led me through the directions my chi should go and the areas I should concentrate on. While this was happening, it was very interesting that I felt a warmth going down through my head, my spine, focusing in my neck and lower back. By the end, my back felt warm all over with large amounts of warmth in my lower back. I don't know what he was doing while this was going on but I do know that I felt MUCH better afterwards. Then I had class as usual afterwards. I felt very happy and much more like myself going home that night.
Yesterday, I was very tired. I attribute this to the lack of coffee at breakfast. The day went well but extremely busy as I had to go downtown for my weekly allergy shot. This resulted in me being unable to meditate until bedtime. I had Tai Chi class again and felt like it was a very good class. I was happy to be back in class. I meditated at bedtime and fell asleep in the process so I can't really say much about it. I can say though, that since I spoke with Shifu and became his patient, my tinnitus has calmed down A LOT. It's back down to a low hum, with sometime intermittancy. The hearing loss is still there although it is not quite as bad as it has been recently and I feel more like myself.
Today has been busy, but I w up feeling very well rested and was able to meditate during my lunch break. I did not get the same warm feelings as I did with Shifu; however, I did notice that when I was focusing on my breathing and the chi movements up and down my spine, I had what I can only describe as warm "flares" when I would breathe out. It would only last a moment but it was very interesting. I also felt a mild tingling down my spine, although that could be psychosomatic... Even so, I thought it should be noted. I had a good amount of energy and was able to be productive at work. I also meditated before class this evening and felt less stressed than I had when I'd left work.
I have decided to keep track of my feelings and how I'm doing via blogging, so that I can also relay this to Shifu. I have been instructed to keep track of my dietary intake as well as how I'm feeling, what I'm feeling, etc. and to send it to him once every two weeks. I am keeping track of my food utilizing the My Fitness Pal app and will not be listing it here, unless those of my fans that keep track would like to know or in some manner let me know they would like for me to post that here. Otherwise, I shall be doing my best to post every day, or at least every other day how I'm doing and what I've done health-wise each day.
However you look at it, my decision at that point was that I will NOT let this get any worse. In my studies through some of the academic resources I have the ability to utilize, I was able to determine that the doctors consider Meniere's Disease to be an idiopathic autoimmune disease. To dumb it down, it's a problem with the body's immune system and the doctors don't know what causes it or why it happens. They have found certain things that help with the most common cases but those "fixes" don't always work. So what does one do when they have a problem that the doctors can't fix and they can't allow themselves to not do something about it? I went to my Shifu.
Shifu has officially taken me on as a patient on Tuesday of last week. He started out with doing his energy thing that he does (where he has you sit in a chair and breathe, then takes his hands and holds them a certain distance from your body while doing what I can only classify as an examination of an internal sort). He then advised me I was to do taigong 3 times per day. Taigong is essentially breathing and stretching. It takes me approximately 10 minutes to get through it once. On the days when I can, I would do this twice, three times per day. My schedule doesn't always allow for this though, so on the days when I couldn't, I was able to do 2 times per day, doing 30 minutes of it each time. I did this every day until I met with Shifu again this past Monday (day before yesterday).
This time, Shifu did his examination again and led me through a guided meditation. During this one, he advised me to focus on my breathing and led me through the directions my chi should go and the areas I should concentrate on. While this was happening, it was very interesting that I felt a warmth going down through my head, my spine, focusing in my neck and lower back. By the end, my back felt warm all over with large amounts of warmth in my lower back. I don't know what he was doing while this was going on but I do know that I felt MUCH better afterwards. Then I had class as usual afterwards. I felt very happy and much more like myself going home that night.
Yesterday, I was very tired. I attribute this to the lack of coffee at breakfast. The day went well but extremely busy as I had to go downtown for my weekly allergy shot. This resulted in me being unable to meditate until bedtime. I had Tai Chi class again and felt like it was a very good class. I was happy to be back in class. I meditated at bedtime and fell asleep in the process so I can't really say much about it. I can say though, that since I spoke with Shifu and became his patient, my tinnitus has calmed down A LOT. It's back down to a low hum, with sometime intermittancy. The hearing loss is still there although it is not quite as bad as it has been recently and I feel more like myself.
Today has been busy, but I w up feeling very well rested and was able to meditate during my lunch break. I did not get the same warm feelings as I did with Shifu; however, I did notice that when I was focusing on my breathing and the chi movements up and down my spine, I had what I can only describe as warm "flares" when I would breathe out. It would only last a moment but it was very interesting. I also felt a mild tingling down my spine, although that could be psychosomatic... Even so, I thought it should be noted. I had a good amount of energy and was able to be productive at work. I also meditated before class this evening and felt less stressed than I had when I'd left work.
I have decided to keep track of my feelings and how I'm doing via blogging, so that I can also relay this to Shifu. I have been instructed to keep track of my dietary intake as well as how I'm feeling, what I'm feeling, etc. and to send it to him once every two weeks. I am keeping track of my food utilizing the My Fitness Pal app and will not be listing it here, unless those of my fans that keep track would like to know or in some manner let me know they would like for me to post that here. Otherwise, I shall be doing my best to post every day, or at least every other day how I'm doing and what I've done health-wise each day.
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