More updates

I know I posted in my previous blog that my domly dentist advised that my TMD is under control. I've also started going to physical therapy (hereby known as PT) for my neck and shoulders because the TMD has seriously screwed up my musculature in my upper areas (which has affected lower regions as well). The PT started really working on trying to relax my SCM muscles this week. These are two muscles on either side of your neck that can cause headaches, jaw pain, ear aches and all kinds of fun stuff.

The PT concentrated a good bit on my SCM muscles on Friday. Today I've found myself having a bad headache and the last 2-3 days my ear has really bothered me. The ear problem I've had for a while (along with everything else). This particular problem is very annoying. It feels like my ear is stopped up with a significant amount of humming. When it gets really bad, I can get vertigo bad enough that I can't get up and move around for fear of getting sick. While getting sick hasn't ever happened with the kind of vertigo I get, it's still a big fear of mine. Me and nausea do NOT get along well.

I have a feeling that a large part of my headache is coming from the way I'm sitting. Well, not really the WAY I'm sitting so much as WHERE I'm sitting. My couch is one of those L-shape sectionals and my favorite part (the end beside the end table) is situated so that when I do sit there, I have to turn my head right to look at the TV. The PT has advised that how I'm working with my laptop is fine and shouldn't cause many problems since I am paying attention to how I sit/type/etc.. with it. I've noticed before when I sit on this part of the couch, my left shoulder will start hurting, if I'm watching TV. I guess that means it's time to change spots and sit on the other part of the couch.

Maybe I can convince someone to put a lamp on the wall for me close to my other spot so that I can do my stitching and other things (such as school work when that starts up again) over there instead of in my corner. Oh and convince someone for shoulder/back massages. That would be nice too. LOL

Birthday surprises and other updates

As most people know, my birthday was yesterday. Everyone also knows I've been freaking out about it because this year I turned 30. Logically I understand it's not a big deal. Emotionally.. not so much. There has been nothing logical to this freaking out. I wanted this birthday to be celebrated special, something to be remembered. Thanks to some very special friends, this birthday will be remembered for a long time. The day after, I don't feel like I should be 30. I think I am probably still getting used to the idea.

On other notes, I also went to the domly dentist yesterday. He said that we have my TMD under control (YAY!) and now it's on to trying to fix the problem with my "Sternocleidomastoid Muscles" which have been causing my headaches and the numbness in my hands. Oh and they're also probably the reason behind my vertigo. Weeee! So I'll be continuing with my physical therapy and have to go back to my dentist in about three weeks.


And in regards to schooling, I'm currently on track to graduate in April. I thought maybe that I could swing it so that I could graduate at the end of the year, but I forgot about one extra class I need to take. So April it is. That means that next NEEHU will be a celebration of me graduating. Teeheehee. After that, I plan on moving on to get my BA. I want to be a CPA when I get all growed up. N'shtuff. My ultimate goal (as far as the schooling and CPA subject goes) is to be able to graduate with with my BA and then take the CPA exam pretty close to if not right after I graduate. What does my schooling goals mean for my job status? I've been working on my resume and it's about time to start looking for a job with an accounting firm. The most daunting part about this is that I have no idea what I'm doing. The scariest part is that I have no accounting experience because when I was looking for jobs in the past, no one would hire me in that position because I didn't have a degree and didn't have experience. It's very frustrating to be in that situation.


And so I begin trying to figure out how to get my foot into the door. It's going to take work and time. And a helluva lot of luck. 

A Night for Pleasure

The phone rings. I pick up and your voice instantly wraps itself around my mind, taking my will as gently as a feather falling through the air. My voice becomes soft and breathy with my accent becoming thicker as my mind is dissuaded from paying attention to how my words sound. Your words take me deeper and deeper, furthering my submission. There is nothing but your voice. Your words. The energy spoken transfers to a mind made pliable with need.

No longer do I see the flicker of the candle light against the wall. No longer do I see the curtains of the canopy above my bed as my body sways and moves at your direction. The bed softens beneath me as I lay on it, unable to stand any longer. My hands move of your accord and my legs spread, everything open to be viewed if one so desired. The room is thick with the scent of my desire and ne'er could I hide it even if I wanted to. The signs show slickly along my thighs.

I start to hear your voice in stereo, unable to comprehend the meaning of this and it only takes me deeper, ever deeper. Eyes closed, I hear you continue speaking and I begin to hear another voice whisper in my ear in addition to yours. Hands limp, I no longer realize the phone is not in my possession as the voices intermingle and take me beyond any point I have ever been. Through the haze I feel the blindfold being placed on and hear the jingle of the cuffs. There is no resistance to either of you as you do with me what you will.

Even more helpless than before, one voice in each ear spurs my whimpers and moans into outright thrashing. My skin tingles and my breathing is shallow with the need and desire pounding through my chest. Mouths take hold and hands run along edges, teasing and tantalizing, taking it ever higher. There is only pleasure. Insurmountable pleasure as I am taken as you see fit. Your desires are my will and my obedience is pleasure.  There is no hesitation. There are no thoughts. There is only you. All else does not matter at this time.

Pleasure is taken and pleasure is given until all beasts have been sated and as we lie there afterwards, your voices bring me slowly back. Touches shared and consciousness slowly attained, I'm unable to keep quiet that I think I may indeed have opened the door to a trouble I am all too happy to accept. It is an evening that will be long remembered. Well, mostly anyway. ;)

I've been thinking too much again...

Left to my own devices with words twisting and turning their way through my brain, my thoughts turn to murmurs made on quiet evenings. It turns to thoughts of aching tenderness and madly passionate kisses. Quietly controlled force that burns with the fiery intensity it contains. The need within overwhelms all logic, draws the primal to the fore and all movements become instinctual.

And yet I have no words for the desires that lie within. Things that can be drawn out with the right touch, or the right word, the right tone of voice, or even just the right look in my direction.  A shiver down the spine created. That zing between the thighs. A catch of the breath. Signs only caught by the most observant to create a story so vivid it captures the senses and dissuades time from being reality.

I've been thinking too much again.

Goals and the Unknown

I've almost finished up my class for this quarter. I just have my essay left to finish which I will be working on later this evening. As this quarter finishes up, I find myself looking towards the future. My goal when I started to school was that once I get close to having around 3 years left to get my BA, I wanted to find a job with a CPA firm to go ahead and get my experience in so that I can go for my CPA exam very close to if not just after graduating with my BA. I still maintain this goal.

If I had not taken two years off to have my daughter, I would be very close to being on track. I am not unhappy about taking the time off, just as I'll have to take time off for the next one if/when it decides to make it's appearance. As it stands, I have approximately 3 terms left before I will graduate with my Associates. That means by this time next year, I will be looking into which school I want to transfer my credits two. I have two schools in mind and it's just a matter of which one fits my life better at that time. In the meantime, I believe it is getting very close to time for me to make that decision to step out of the known and start sticking my toes into the ocean of the unknown.

This is going to be very difficult for me as I cannot afford to take much of a pay cut from what I'm making now. There's also the current economy to consider as well. I plan on taking my time as I do have a job (providing nothing goes wrong with it of course) and as such, I can afford to be picky. My biggest obstacle is that I don't even have the beginning knowledge on how to get a job within a CPA firm. I mean do you just call them and ask if they're hiring? Are there online job markets that feature jobs with CPA firms? This this point, honestly, I'd settle for an accounting position for a private company even. Just so I could have some experience under my belt.

Another obstacle I have to face is that I will only have my Associates. Even so, I will have a lot of the same skill set of the people going for their BA. This is because my school is geared towards giving their students the skills necessary to make it in the business world. So how does one show that even with an Associates, they can do the same job as someone with a BA? How do I sell myself? This is not something I'm very good at, even though I know I can do a good job. When I started with the company I'm at now, I was told by one of my superiors that the only reason they hired me was because I could start immediately. That won't be the case this time around (knocking on wood about this one). I owe my company a two week notice.

And now for a little bit of shameless begging. So if anyone knows someone that can help me revamp my resume and/or can help me learn what I need to do to get the job I really really feel I should be doing, that I feel so very deeply is where I need to be, I would not wave away the help.

Of Words and Dreams

My first ever adult hypnosis stage show. Whoever would have thought I'd be attending one of these? My hands sitting relaxed in my lap, I give no signs of my nervousness. I want to be involved but not in front of so many... strangers. I try to keep my breathing under control, even as my hands tremble and my heart thunders within my breast. The dress I picked to wear tonight is one of my favorites. Soft and clingy, yet swaying with every step, it fits me well. And the color, a shell pink, brings out my skin tone so splendidly. 

You start in on the act, creating laughter with your words and calming with your tone at the same time. Creating rapport with the entire audience. Then you start in on your test, to see who would be a good fit for your seats at the front for the real show. I follow your voice, my eyelids trying and failing to stay open. They droop closed and then as you describe the balloon tied to one wrist and then the other one becoming heavier and heavier, my arms slowly rise and lower at the same time until they are almost scissored. Even in my fear that I'll be picked, I can't seem to stop myself from reacting.

You continue on, then start selecting people to come up to the front. You have let the audience know that you may be adding people throughout the event as you see them. My nervousness does not dissipate. I don't react to everything as everyone in the seats up front do, but my eyelids remain heavy never the less. Some of the things presented are hilarious and some are interesting and even intriguing. I'm very glad I wasn't picked for this part. There is a sense of wonder even with feeling so timid. My eyes are glued to the scene, when they aren't drooping, and there is an energy in the air that is tantalizing.

The act is finished and you continue the show, talking about a technique you've been taught that you'd like to show us and finally my courage regains ground and I raise my hand to volunteer. I want to experience it. My heart speeds up more when you select me and I slowly make my way to the front. Sitting primly in the seat, I place my hands softly in my lap, keeping them in place so that no one can see my hands trembling. I keep my head down, except when I'm looking at you, to keep the audience from seeing my nervousness and fear. I focus on your voice and then as you place your hands on my face, I focus on you. Then I'm gone, as if someone hit a switch and turned my brain off. I am being held and rocked by you as you speak softly to me and then bring me back to full consciousness. Truly amazing. 

The evening continues and conversation is had by many and fun is had by yet others. We sit at tables and eat the snacks that are being served. You walk up to the table and start to introduce yourself. You get so far as to says "I am" before you pause and I interject with "cute?" nearly causing a couple of people physical distress as they were not expecting me to be so forward. You thank me and continue speaking with others at the table. As the night goes on, I see you in various areas, speaking with others attending the event. 

I mention to one or two others that I find you interesting. And then a while later, you find me sitting and taking my hand, you lead me to the center of the room. Swaying in time with the music, your string of butterflies that you are wearing are lit up and catch my attention. I mention about how lovely they are and then you are holding one, swaying it even as we are swaying, your words spoken go into my ears and straight to my brain. The world becomes soft and yielding, your hands guiding even as your voice takes me deeper and deeper. You dance with me and twirl me around, only to find that I cannot make the full twirl. I lose my balance and you catch me, keeping me from truly falling.Your voice and your eyes keep me in place, moving in time with you and being held close, hips to hip as the dancing continues. Waking me softly, our lips meet in a kiss so soft but full of energy waiting to be tasted.

Relinquishing your hold, I float gently back to where I was, my mind hazy with the events that have happened thus far. My friends giggle and glance at me knowingly. I have had a taste but want more. Ever more. Throughout the evening I speak with people, making acquaintances and perhaps even new friends. And still my mind lingers on more. I look through the crowd, watching others making new friends, meeting with old, generally enjoying themselves. It is a good evening.

My friends and I retire and knowing we'll be back again the next day, I go without hesitation, knowing you'll be there as well. Sleep comes quickly and takes me with a fierceness, butterflies flitting through my dreams with fingers gently guiding themselves across my face and voices speaking softly in my ear. Morning comes all too soon, disturbing dreams of wanting need and desire.

Attending your class this day, I beg leave from my friends as I have much interest in what you have to teach. This class being a physical class, with each person in the group pairing up with another, I decided to actually not participate. I'm not comfortable with doing something this... intimate with the others in the room. I chose a seat in the middle of the room so that I can watch you as you work, and watch the other "class mates" as they interact with each other. You are graceful in your motions, strong yet yielding, like a tree, only a bit softer.

Eventually you notice me sitting there alone and you come over to ask if I'd like a partner. I decline, with the excuse that I'm enjoying watching what is going on. And it's true that I do, but there is a growing part of me that would like to try the exercises going on. I continue watching silently and a bit later, you ask again if I'm sure I'm fine as I am. I repeat that I am and you move on, working with each pair of partners individually. Finally, just before the end, my curiosity has gotten the better of me and I ask you if you would try the induction with me once the class is over. You agree and I smile, happy that you have not denied me this.

Once the class is over and the others have left, you find me seated as I was during the class. Your hand reaches down for mine and I stand, facing  you as your bend your forehead to meet with mine, your eyes gazing and capturing my full attention. No words are spoken as you sway with me and my eyes droop then shut of their own accord. You continue swaying with me, holding me steady as you do so. The world goes fuzzy and then you are lowering me to the ground, laying me down with my lap in your head. Your hand caresses my face, your words finally surfacing as you speak softly in my ear.

My body warms to your words and your head lowers into a kiss. The energy you present warms me further and your suggestions carry that warmth throughout my body until every fiber of my being is burning with desire. My will is yours as you direct me, my cries of orgasm bursting forth to crash against the walls of the room. Waking me slowly, my desire has not yet abated and I kiss you passionately, my lips meeting yours, returning every ounce of energy you gave me, giving you more than you expected. Your kiss returns even more passionately than before and in the wake of the kiss, all clothing has been left behind.

The pillows piled on one side of the room, create a makeshift bed as we tumble backwards into them. My hands on you, I can't stop them. Caressing, stroking, building the fire within you, it's all I can do as my own body trembles with desire. My thighs are slick, and prove how willing I am. Your hand reaches down and spreads my legs before you position yourself above me, plunging in, taking, plundering reaching as deeply as you can. My back arches with the intense sensations as the orgasms roll over me, unbidden and unstoppable.

On and on our dance continues until the passion has been spent and as we lay there, catching our breath, you caress my face and gaze into my eyes once more. When you are certain I've come back to earth and that you have my attention, you speak one word: "Cum." With that word, I orgasm one last final explosive time and realize exactly what has happened. Once I can speak again, I look up at you and grin. All I can say is, "Well, played" before we both burst into laughter and snuggle down for a nap, before heading back to our lives, back to the real world.

Venting. Sometimes it is needed.

Those that are close to me are used to hearing me say that I hate my cycle. This is because my mood lowers and anything that's bothering me, any desires unfulfilled, wants or needs unmet break forth and burst upwards as though a dam has split at the seams and every emotion feels 100% stronger than any other time. My wants war within and my dreams clash. It makes it very hard to think at this time because all I can do is feel. And pushing those feelings aside to allow the logical to reign supreme is a hefty task to accomplish. My emotions wash over me and take over my actions before I've had the first chance to realize what has happened. And because of this I've had to say I'm sorry more times than I care to count.

The ache of clashing emotions overtakes me and only the letting of spilt need can overcome the tsunami within. That need can take on several different forms. From being driven to my knees by a force stronger than me, being taken to that place of calm silence that is otherwise known as subspace, to energy play far more intense than most can handle, to even a simple writing can help release that emotional overload and help me regain my sense of logic once more. The beast within must sometimes be sated for she is a part of who I am and cannot be ignored.