I had a longstanding friend/mentor tell me not too long ago that she thought I was a mystery. She asked how three girls could be in the same situation and one of them end up bettering herself and having a drive and ambition where the other two ended up a waste of human flesh that should be castigated and sent to live on "the island."
One of the biggest differences is genetics. My two younger sisters are not my full-blooded sisters. They have a different mother. The other difference is that I had my grandmother's influence. When my sisters' mother was in the picture (my first stepmother), there were very bad things that happened to me that I have no memories of. During this time, one of the few things I **DO** remember is my grandmother telling me that if I wanted to be the better person, I'd learn more, make good grades and live my life better than my stepmother could ever dream of.
I'm going back to school to finish getting my Associates in Accounting and I'm working in a good stable job environment. I'm also working on a superbly viable business opportunity with some very wonderful people and I have surrounded myself with people that truly care about me.
It has been said by several of these people in conversation that I need protection. This is a profound statement to me as the first 18 years of my life, I was my protection. It was me against the world. Now I have support to lean on. There are times when that statement is enough to overwhelm me and drive me to be speechless.
Sometimes it is difficult for me to believe that I truly am sexy, that people really do want me. When people tell me that they want to be around me, when they call me beautiful and pretty and smart and any other number of things people tell those they adore, it astounds me. I don't understand how they can see me as desirable and yet they do. They'll never know how much I appreciate these things they say so easily.
Everyone who's family/circle I belong to is truly special to me. They each have their own individual place within my heart. They each care about me in their own way and I love them for this. I am a multifaceted creature and they fill different facets of my personality. I don't go hungry when I'm surrounded by them.
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