Sometimes I back to what I've written before and when I read it, I wonder how I could have possibly written something like that. And then I read someone else's writing and mine seems to pale in comparison. Their words call out to me and seem to say more than I could ever hope to put to paper (or computer). I don't think myself terribly creative. The tidbit stories I write are made up of bits and pieces of things that have happened to me, with the exception of a few, which I feel a did a shoddy job with.
I have been told in the past that I am smart, and I can see evidence of that in the As I get in my classes. I don't really feel that I'm all that smart, though. I'm just an ordinary gal. Most of the people I associate myself I feel are much smarter than I am. Each person has their own thing that they have studied, worked on/with, and gained extensive knowledge about. Whereas I only gain tidbits of information on many different topics. I don't feel like I have a specialty in anything but my job, which is not something I necessarily enjoy doing on a daily basis.
I've thought many times about if there were one particular subject that I really crave to learn more about, that could become my particular "specialty." When I think about it like this what it boils down to for me isn't necessarily book knowledge but more along the lines of "physical" knowledge. What appeals to me is dealing with people. Skin against skin. Not just sexual knowledge, carnal knowledge, but how energies work together. How my touching someone affects them not just on an emotional level, but also on a physical level. My experience with Taiji is helping me learn about how to focus my energy, but I still have a long way to go.
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