30 Days of Kink

Ok, so a few of my friends and loved ones have started up this thing called "30 Days of Kink" where they post something every day for 30 days about kink. I've decided I'm going to play along and do it as well. Except I'm going to post as I can. So, for tonight, you get 15 days because with the way my schedule has been recently and will be for a while, I don't know when I'll get to post again.

Moving along with the topic, I present to you days 1-15 of 30 Days of Kink.


Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

All parts of BDSM interest me. I want to explore and learn about everything and there are very few things I absolutely refuse to do. I’m a sub with switch leanings. What this means is that I am mostly submissive, but, given certain situations/people, I will gladly take the dominant role. Those situations and people, however, are far and few between.  I love the times when I can find freedom within the bonds. I also love having those times when my choices are my own.

Day 2: List your kinks.

Really? If I were to do that, I’d fill up entirely too much page space. What I will do though, is to list those things that excite me the most. The things that get me going like nothing else does.

Hair pulling- Not so much just the pulling of the hair, but grabbing the hair at the back of the neck, going under the hair and grabbing from there with just the right amount of tension, immediately puts me into sub mode. But of course only when done by the right person(s).

Bondage- Being bound presents a feeling of helplessness. It helps me to let go and let that other person be in charge. Helps me to be controlled. And it has to be done well. It can’t just be some piece of Velcro thrown together crap that will release at the slightest tug. I want to know that I can’t get away.

Blindfolds- Another sense of lost control. Plus it keeps the mystery of what’s happening. I can’t just open my eyes and see what is about to happen. I have to rely on my ears and my sense of touch. And hearing doesn’t always tell you everything.

Biting- Mmmmm. Yummy when done right and in the right spot.

Energy play- When this is done by itself, it’s a wonderful thing. When it’s added with other play, it can take it to a whole new level.

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

I don’t know that there was ever a true discovery. It’s just always been part of who I am.

Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Well, let’s see… Discovering my grandfather’s Hustler magazine would be the first. Discovering my dad’s Playboy mags would be the second. And then later on, my discovery of the Beauty trilogy. Even then I knew that a good bit of the stuff in the books was impossible. However; it made for H.A.W.T. fantasies when all by my lonesome in my bed. ;)

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

My first kinky sexual experience was with someone who opened my eyes to the joy that sex can be. The exact details are rather fuzzy at this point, but suffice it to say that it only stirred my hunger to discover more. He was the first man I gave a kinky gift to as well. (It was one of those silly little feather/mask/fake flogger gift sets like the ones you can get at Spencer’s. Which I think is exactly where I got it from…)

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

I guess my weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy would involve an invisible vampire and being fucked while bitten and transformed into a slave for the vampire’s pleasure. Describing it any further would require me to turn it into a story. Maybe I’ll do that sometime. *smiles and winks*

Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

My favorite toy is one LovingMaster45 made using a dildo and an electric screwdriver (a black and decker one I think? I wasn’t paying too much attention to the brand while it was around…). That thing is fucking fantastic.

I want to get a Hitachi Magic Wand with the g-spot attachment. I’m betting that might become my 2nd favorite. ;)

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Here is an image I find very erotic. It involves another taboo subject- tentacle sex. But it’s still so very erotic because she’s all bound and unable to avoid being taken by the tentacles of whatever threatening beast not shown.

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

This one is a pretty common one, I'm sure, but the video strikes so many of my buttons, I couldn't help but include it.

Enigma: Principles of Lust

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

No scat and no children. Humiliation borders on it, except that there are times when I’m ok with it too.

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

As long as both parties are ok with what’s going on and if something happens in the middle of a scene, that the other person makes sure the one that it happened to is taken care of, then everything is all well and good. What is s/s/c to one person may not be so to another. So if what I’m engaging in with another partner is good for both of us and neither side has issues, no one else had better step in and tell us it’s wrong. That shit will piss me off faster than a good many other things will.

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

I was on a wheel and my hands were tied but the person I was playing with forgot to tie up my ankles. Then he proceeded to take a violet wand to me. Normally this wouldn’t present a problem, except that he decided to tickle my feet. My reflexes kicked in and I kneed him in the head. I still laugh about that one even now, years later.

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

It’s freedom to me. It is who I am. Who I am to those in the vanilla world is also part of me, but for those people, I’m holding back. So to say that I’m drawn to it isn’t quite right. It is a need, almost like breathing. To be myself and be accepted for who I am. For WHAT I am. And that can only happen in certain situations.

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

Real life differs from fantasy in that it’s not impossible. Fantasy can be better in a way because you retain control over the whole scene. But for me, fantasy could never beat real life because you can’t feel a fantasy physically. (well you can but that gets into another subject very quickly) Over all- real life beats fantasy hands down.

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

I really want to have sex in a church.. and a graveyard. But that’s not really a BDSM activity, even though it is kinky. Hmm… I have been curious about takedown scenes but I don’t really think I have the guts for one of those. I’d give up too easily. Needle play? I am kind of curious about that. Kitten/puppy play… curious about that too. I know, this is more than one, but I won’t charge you for the extras. ;)

Pre NEEHU Prep

So, I'm going through my clothes and trying to figure out what I can carry with me in a case small enough to be considered carry-on. Damn those luggage fees are a bitch. I was going to try to bring an extra special outfit but then I realized the elastic in the top needs to be replaced. So now I'm trying to figure out if I can get the bells on my other special outfit and if it would work for what I have planned. And I just don't know. This is mildly irritating to say the least.

As far as my other wardrobe attire goes, I have absolutely no idea. I doubt I'll be wearing pants. Most likely it will be all dresses/skirts/etc.. When I'm wearing clothing at all that is. Mostly, I plan on bringing comfy clothes. And of course it also depends on the weather for that region too. I will have to keep an eye on the weather up there since I'm sure it's much different than being in GA. Truth be told, I probably won't know my attire until the night before/day of my trip. Yes, I have to admit, I'm a last minute packer. And then I pack too much. *sighs*

I've heard there will be cookies and this is totally awesome. Luckily I have no nut allergies so if peanut butter cookies are made, it can be guaranteed I will be partaking of their deliciousness.

The downside to all of this planning is that I have yet to get my plane ticket. The one time they came down low enough for me to afford it, it didn't stay down long enough for me to actually get it. And that sucks big fat monkey balls. I keep watching the prices and it seems like they come down the lowest on Tuesdays. If the prices don't come down far enough, I have no idea what I'll do.

Me? Busy? Why would you say that?

So, of course I would pick a night when I'm super tired because I didn't get any sleep the night before to write a blog entry.

I've been busy between school and work and home and more work and friends. I have really been enjoying my class and learning lots of things one needs to know to deal with taxes and business accounting. Accounting geeks of the world unite! (Why, yes, I *DO* love spreadsheets. Why do you ask?)

No kinky play recently, I'm sad to say. Hopefully I'll get some again soon because I could use it. Of course I could use it every day if I could get it that often, but then I have been called greedy before. *shrugs*

I'm also still freaking out about my upcoming birthday. It's just over 2 months away that I'll turn 30. Logically I know that nothing will really be different, but emotions don't function on a logical level. I still want to do something extraordinary, that I've never done before, but I'm worried that my birthday will turn out to be dull, with nothing going on.

I went through my clothes this weekend and bagged up a bunch and put my nicer stuff in garment bags to be put away (and maybe taken in once I'm down to my goal size). It made me feel good to get that done and know exactly what I have. I've also decided that when I do get down to where I want to be, I'm going to find someone to take some pictures. I want a combination of both kinky and vanilla pictures to be professionally done. I know it will be expensive, but I really think it is something I'd love to do.

And now, I'm off to bed before I fall over sideways and can't get up. G'night world!

Weight loss update

Over the last several weeks, I've been getting very disheartened by the fact that my scale has been going up and down within a pound every time I've weighed in, which I do every Saturday morning. Then I put on a dress and realized it was too big. It now has to be put away (I'm saving all of my "big" clothes for when I do have another child so I don't have to buy clothing during the pregnancy). This made me realize that even though the scale has not been moving much at all, I am still seeing a difference since I've started exercising 4 miles a day, every day.

And for those that care or want to know, this is the lady who does the videos I've been using: http://www.lesliesansonevideos.com/.

So, I sat down last weekend and took my measurements. I'm not one of those women that keeps her weight and all of that a secret, so I will be sharing specifics. If you don't want to know, then don't read any further because I'll be posting the differences at the end. I may even post before and after pics once I reach my goal size. I say size at this point as I only have one more size to go before I've reached my goal size in jeans. This makes me very excited and happy. I don't know how long it will take me to get there, but I'm going to keep working at it and do my best. That's all I can do.

And now, without further adieu, I present to you the differences from October 11th, 2010, to last weekend, April 2nd, 2011.

                    10/12/10                      4/2/11
Weight:       184.75 lbs                  172.5 lbs
Bust                 45"                            43"
Rt Arm            13"                            12"
Lt Arm            12.5"                         12"
Waist              40.5"                          38"
Hips                45.5"                          44"

I've gone from size 16 jeans down to size 10. My goal size is 8. If I get below that, I'm not going to complain. LOL

Good Days DO Happen from Time to Time

Sometimes I forget that my mommy side needs to be nourished too. Today I took Mini-me to a kid crafts party at a friend's house. There were probably about 10 other kids there, ranging from 4 months to about 10 years old. For the most part, the kids all got along and played fairly well together. On top of that, I got to sit and chat with parents and grandparents of the other children. The atmosphere was wonderful with everyone keeping track of the kids in their area, regardless of whose children they were. If anything happened that a parent wasn't sure about, they'd make sure to check with the parent of the child they were addressing to make sure it was kosher. I actually felt part of the party and not just sitting on the sidelines watching.

I have a tendency to forget how important it is to me that I be accepted. For so long, I wasn't accepted for any part of who I was. More and more now I'm finding that there are indeed places and groups that will accept me at face value and include me in the proceedings. To make things even better, no one was mean to Mini-me (not as if I would expect anyone too be, seeing as how she's so cute and sweet). It's just nice to not have my fears come true.

I got to hold a little baby girl for a good long while before her mommy was ready to take her back. Have I mentioned that I love babies? They're awesome. Truly wonderful. Then of course Mini-me absolutely had to get snuggles and kisses from me to make sure her place with me hadn't changed. I had no problems with this at all (really, who would expect me to have issues with this? LOL). Once she was reassured that her place with me had not changed and she hadn't been replaced, she went off and played with the other kids again. Needless to say, I brought home a very tired little girl.

Most of my blog entries are about the more adult/kinky side of life. It is days like today that make me realize I need the touch of other parents, being reassured that I am indeed a good parent, that it isn't just all in my head. Being able to get together with other parents and being able to talk "shop" without having to worry that someone is getting annoyed by how much I can go on about how much I love Mini-me, how good she is, how smart she is, etc. There is more than one side of me. And each side deserves equal recognition.

Kippy, anyone?

I have thought on the subject of puppy play and kitty play for a while now. I've had a curiosity about it for even longer. I don't really feel that I would fit well into either type of play. And going further than that, of kitty girls and puppy girls. 

I have been meaning to write about this and as my previous writing stated, I haven't had the time. So here I am.  Diving into the realm of spirituality and whatnot, I don't feel I would be suited to be either a puppy girl or a kitty girl. Deep down inside, I feel more akin to something between a black panther and a wolf or a fox. I would say it's rather an odd combination of all three. And how would you refer to someone like that? I've created the label of "kippy" for this. It just feels right.

Sometimes I purr and slink around, scheming and manipulating on the level that a cat would. Other times, you can see me bouncing and wagging my tail or pouncing on something with a ferocity that can be quite stunning if you're not prepared for it. I will latch onto something like a "dog with a bone". (Pun not quite intended)

I'm not really certain what to do with this information, but it's nice to have it down in writing instead of just as a mental word document in my head. *shrugs* It is what it is, I suppose.

What is free time?

I haven't written very much recently, because I just haven't had enough time to be able to focus on it. Every weekend for at least the past month I have had something going on. Somewhere to be, someone to do... Err... I mean someTHING to do. Yeah. That's what I meant. So anyway, I started back to school this week after having to deal with much drama surrounding my financial aid. I have that fixed and was able to proceed with class. YAY ME!

I'm taking business tax this quarter and I started out with only one because I didn't want to overload myself (not to mention with going to NEEHU2 at the end of April, it's going to be fun juggling school with work and play). I expected I would have tons of homework but I was able to get all of it done that I could do by myself without the teacher's help this morning in only a couple of hours. 

After I finished that, I sat down and it finally dawned on me that I have no plans this weekend and I can actually sit down and relax for a day or so. After being busy for so long, it feels weird not to have anything I have to do **RIGHT NOW**. So I thought I would take a bit of time and update everyone while I have the chance.

I've had some very much needed play time in the last few weeks and I'm looking forward to having more at NEEHU2 and after this quarter with school ends. And depending on how this quarter goes, I may up my workload to two classes next quarter. I guess we'll see how things go.

And as far as my jaw goes, I'm still doing the treatment plan. My next appointment is on the 12th. Still no caffeine and all the other stuff I mentioned before. I haven't lost much weight but I have had a few people ask me if I have. I guess I must be replacing fat with muscle. Not that I'm complaining about it, it's just disheartening to see the scale moving in minute increments both up and down. The doctor said he wanted me to go on Atkins and while I haven't started it yet, I still plan on doing so, as soon as I can get it figured out. LOL

Ok. I think I've droned on long enough for everyone for one evening. More to come once I know it. :)