October 19, 2010

Twisting, turning tumultuous mind...

I look, but I cannot see. Words twist and twirl their way around the inside of my skull only to find no suitable outlet. I need relief from this antipathy I fell. My mind wanders and my fingers twitch from the desire residing in this cesspool between my ears. I need you and crave you, yet I do not want you. Were you to take me, I'd have no choice and yet the thought of you doing so causes me more angst than I would have ever imagined possible.

The only way you could have me would be for you to take and you won't. You fucking coward. You claim to know what I need and yet you have no clue. You don't know me. You never understood me and now you never will. You only wanted the image of what I can be, of what I can do. Oh, do you have much to learn, and it won't be me that teaches you those difficult lessons.

My thoughts are in tumoil. I rage at the cage of my own making and yet I cannot step out of the wide open door. What will win in this war waged within myself? Only time will tell the truth that lies within.

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